He's far, I can't reach him. He's like a star, so close to look at, yet so far to reach.
A star that I couldn't reach.
(A story dedicated to Jeremy S. Chua)
Before meeting Joe, my life back then was just normal. It was plain and simple. Having fun in making videos for TikTok, making different characters and being glad and thankful for having people who supports me.
I did not expect that one day, a fan would actually court me. When she said na manliligaw siya, I was shocked and I didn't know what's the exact words I was going to tell her. I did not expect her to do so.
The first time I heard her sang I was really amazed. I was mesmerized the way she sings and how she put her feelings on it.
And maybe that was the reason why I let her continue 'courting' me every six in the evening..
On May 27, I did not know what pushed me to try being in a relationship with her. I, myself was also also shocked of what I did. But all I know, I don't want Joe to be close with that Jacob. I don't like him.
The days, weeks and months I've spent with her made me happy.
I know that there are times where we're not in good terms and I admit, most of it was my fault.
I always feel sad, guilty and frustrated everytime I see her avoiding me and I really hated myself for saying hurtful words towards her.
I admit it, I'm a jealous-type of a person. I don't want her laughing and spending her time with other guys. I want her alone. And that jealousy would always overcome me and let my emotions be driven by it. And resulting of hurting her in the process.
She's kind. She forgives me even though I hurted her big time. But all in all, it was my mistake because I took it for granted.
I became complacent that her love for me is great, that no matter what I do, she would just forgive me easily and that her love will never end.
"Je, tell me the truth." Kuya Mon said while I was secretly planning my surprise for Joe, for our 3rd monthsarry.
"What truth?" I asked.
"About you and Joe?"
"Why? What's with me and Joe?" I asked without looking at him.
"Stop it Miah, you're in a relationship right?" He asked but I kept my mouth shut.
"I was right. Kasi sino naman kasing magre-react nang ganon kanina, diba? Sino ba namang boyfriend and hindi magagalit pag sumabay yung girlfriend mo sa iba, diba Je?" he said with a bit of sarcastic and I acted like I didn't heard him say it.
"Now Je, tell me how. How did you two became together?"
I looked at him like as if telling him that I won't.
"So hindi mo sasabihin? Sige si Joe na lang tatanungin ko-----"
"Fine! fine!" I said as I closed my door.
"So tell me Je, in detail ha? Bakit naging kayo ni Joe? Akala ko ba hindi mo siya gusto? I thought you see her as a disturbance?" he asked while staring at me like I'm some kind of criminal.
"Yes, I really didn't no like her. She's noisy that it annoys me. She always distract me. She disturbs me. She keep on asking questions. An unending one. She wakes me up just to say good morning. She knocks my door loudly and does the things I don't like." I said while remembering those times.
"And with those thoughts, I hated her. I hated her because that's what I've thought of her but as the time passed by I got to know her. I became used of her being noisy. It's like, her, disturbing me became part of my day, my routine. I love the taste of her coffee. And then I realized that I've started to like her. I've started to like the things she does. I want her to be noisy. I love listening to her voice, especially when she sings." I said while smiling.
And I continue telling Kuya Mon about how I feel about her. And as our conversation got deep, I realized that I love her.
That I love Joe.
I was so happy that I finally realized it. I've even thought of confessing to Joe about how I truly feel about her.
But things didn't go as planned.
She broke up with me and my heart broke too.
I wanted to know why.
Why would she do it?
Why would she broke up with me?
When she started walking away from me, scenarios of me being angry at her, ignoring her, and things that I did suddenly popped inside my head.
I guess she got tired.
I was so devastated, sad and frustrated but I suddenly realized that maybe i can still make it up to her.
I spend my days trying to win her back. I did my best, my very bestest.
When the things I planned was almost successful, she suddenly left.
The day of my birthday she left. She left without telling me. She left me without saying anything.
She left me, leaving scars and bruises in my heart.
Days, months and years have past and I still couldn't forget her. My heart's still yearning for her. And I know deep down, I'm still waiting for her.
I couldn't get updates about her. She's not active in any social media platforms or maybe she's active, but she's using different username. There are tags but the camera's far from her and some of the photos are blurry.
And I hope that I can see her again. That I'm not too late to be with her again. Because honestly, I don't want anyone else. I want her. Only her.
I'm here in Japan for days now, specifically in Shinjuku, Tokyo. Just busy looking at my surroundings, reminiscing the days when I first went here.
I suddenly remembered my favorite anime movie, Your Name. As I walk through its location and finally sees the stair. I suddenly got nervous and at the the same time happy and excited.
When I finally reached the stair and when I stepped on it, I couldn't control my heart's beating.
I looked at my surroundings and saw nothing, I looked above and someone caught my attention, more likely, my heart.
"Joe?"
It's her right?
"JOE!?" I shouted.
She stopped walking down the stairs and slowly looks at my direction.
"R-rem?"
Damn. It's her.
It's really her.
Finally, it's her. My Joe.
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