ONE DAY OR ANOTHER (TLKAR TRIQUEL) Part 3

30. in memoriam (this is a chapter)

Shania POV:

(when Anna died, not when shania and Zayn get married that chapter 5 years later)

Today was the day everyone was dreading. The funeral was today. I put on my plain black dress with no emotion in my mind.

I was emotionless since my best friend in the entire world was taken from me. I did everything with the intention of her showing up and making the moment so much livelier but then reality hit me and my day was ruined.

I expected her to go with me to this funeral but it was Hers. Such a strange thing, a sad thing.

Thats how the last couple of weeks have been. Anna was cremated so it gave us time to arrange things and figure out how to pull ourselves together and attend it.

I invited Harry, of course. No one protested, for they knew he had the right to be there and her death impacted him the hardest. We were all too sad and grieving to put up a fight or hold a grudge on him for making a mistake.

I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that there were dried tears around my eyes. I closed my eyes and tried to balance myself on the vanity of my bathroom. I felt like I was going to blackout.

Without opening my eyes, I turned the faucet on and splashed my face with the cool water. I opened my eyes and wiped the sleepers out of the corners of my eyes. I heard a soft knock on the door.

"You almost ready?" Zayn said softly.

"I will never be ready for this." I said looking at him with heavy eyes.

"I know. I know. I'm here for you." He saysn engulfing me in a hug.

"I miss her." I said into his chest.

"I do too. A lot." Zayn said into my ear.

"I wish I could go back in time and have told her not to go to the group meeting in the park. Or stop her from getting up from the group to talk to Harry. Or watch to make sure no fans did what they did." I said starting to sob.

"Shhh. It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything. Maybe it was just her time to go. Maybe she was needed somewhere else." Zayn explains rubbing circles on my back.

"But it's not fair. She was only 20.

She just celebrated her birthday a week before she was gone." I said between muffled sobs into Zayn's chest.

"Hey don't cry. She wouldn't want us to cry and be sad. Let's do what she said and remember her life. Not her death. Let's forget that she's gone because she's not. She's still with us in our hearts. She's not going anywhere just because she isn't here physically. We still love her and she still loves us." He said.

"When did you become so good with words?" I asked wiping my tears and looking up at him.

"When a dear friend to me was taken from me and I knew I was going to talk to people and talk about her." He explained.

I kissed his cheek. "Let's go remember her life." I said trying to put a smile on.

Zayn smiled down at me and led me through our hotel room since she was being buried in Germany with her family. 

The boys' management sent a car for us to go in to get to the funeral. I would never be ready for this. The driver of the town car opened the door for us and I slid in the back seat, Zayn following.

I rested my head on the window of the car and imagined what I'd be doing now if Anna hadn't died. Would I be happy? Would she be happy?

My best friend died in front of me. I would never get over that trauma. Ive been in promising places in my life that could be considered traumatizing but this took the top of the list.