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27 - Again

Dust.

~~~~~

One week. There was one week until I was going to join Dad and the others. I had one week of freedom. I couldn't sleep without bad dreams; Dad couldn't stop them. I knew I could do it - help them - but I couldn't find the courage to do so. I had broken down crying more than once in the past few weeks, dreading my inevitable fate. I knew I shouldn't have been so afraid; it was stupid. I just couldn't help myself! The others had been so understanding, and I had just been making things so hard! Why couldn't I just accept my lot in life and move on with it? Why did I have to make everything so difficult? I didn't deserve this life..it was too good for me. A loving family and a dad who cared infinitely for me? I didn't deserve that. I was a horrible child; I deserved nothing. Why did they put up with me all the time? They cared for me..but why? I hadn't done anything but be a burden in my entire life..why would they care for me? I didn't offer anything to the family aside from a pain and a worry. I had nothing to give them, yet they loved me as much as any other child; I had done nothing to deserve that. I should've been dead, if I was being completely honest about it.  

"Dust?" Killer entered my room. "Are you..awake?"

"Mhm.." I wiped my tears.

"Didn't sleep again?"

"No.."

Killer sighed, coming over to me. "It's gonna be okay, Dust."

"Why?" I looked at him.

"..What do you mean?" He didn't know.

"Why do you care for me?"

"Because..you're my brother. I'll always love you."

"But..I'm just a pain.."

"No, you're not. You only think that 'cause you're going through a rough time."

"I've always been useless.."

"Hey, no you haven't! You've done lots of things the rest of us couldn't do, and you've been useful in every case!"

"Name one.."

"When I gained LV, you were the one who came up with fluffy land! It's helped us so much!"

"It's a pile of blankets and pillows in the middle of the floor..anyone could have done that."

Killer frowned. "You were the one who taught me to face my fears."

"Some example..I can't even face my own.." 

"Hey..just because you have a few fears doesn't make you any different from the rest of us." Killer hugged me. "When it really counted, you've stepped up so many times to show your true colors, and they're wonderful colors, Dust. Don't give up yet; you'll show everyone just how strong you can really be."

"..." I looked down before returning my gaze to him. "You really..you really think so?"

"I know so." Killer smiled. "When people see my little brother, they're gonna say, 'Look, it's Dust! He's so strong! I wanna be just like him when I get older!'"

I gave out a small laugh. "Thanks, Killer..I needed that.."

"Of course, Dust." Killer gave me another big hug. "Now, it's time for breakfast!"

"Okay."

I felt a little better as I walked downstairs; we had slept in the upper house last night. I reached the dining room with no problem and found myself faced with bacon and eggs. I didn't speak during breakfast; I needed to think about things. When my fate came, I would be using a knife..which I had been scarred for life from - not the same knife, but still. In order to avoid triggering myself, I would likely want to attack only the limbs and torso; the head was off-limits..I knew that sight too well. Why did past me have to go for the head..? If I had to kill, I would go for the soul; that would have offered the victim a quick and easy death, while also limiting the amount of time I would be subjected to the torture that was watching someone die. I would have been okay with that; it didn't make it too difficult, and I wouldn't have had to put too much strain on my sanity. I ate a piece of bacon as I finalized my plans. I hoped the multiverse didn't go too hard on me; I didn't want to find out what my standard was going to be, since both Horror's and Killer's were so horrible..I couldn't imagine being starved or emotionless for several hours..