It's been years since our marriage. Things have been slowly falling apart yet not one of us dared to talk about the elephant in the room. Then there is the fact that the elephant only got bigger because of me.
We knew what the truth was but we were just too scared to talk about it. No, I am the one scared to talk about it because I know the inevitable that would come after. These thoughts occupy my mind so often and it drains me. And her silence is so loud I can't even bear it anymore. I'd rather she get angry at me but she isn't. She's just quietly sitting in front of me. I'm about to lose something irreplaceable and I don't even know if I can prevent it.
"Byul, please say something." I looked at her sitting opposite me in our living room.
She stayed quiet and looked at the ground in thought. In those few seconds as I was waiting of a response, I notice how exhausted she looks. Her clothes disheveled and her hair not so neatly combed like it usually is. Her eyes seemed empty. The sparks she had, gone. This woman that loved me so dearly, I don't recognize her at all. I know full well that it's my fault. I did this to her. I ruined the once lively and cheerful woman she was. Yet I can not even properly apologize to her because I know it won't change a thing.
5 years ago
"I'm sorry Yong sun ah. But I think we should break up."
I looked speechless at my boyfriend, still processing what he just said. He didn't wait for my response and just stood up to leave.
"Now hold on just a second!" I grabbed him by his arm before he could leave the cafe.
"You can't just call me and invite me on a date only for you to break things off with me like that."
He sighed and removed my hand from his arm.
"Would you rather I did this through text?"
I looked at him in disbelief and watched him walk out of the cafe and out of my life, without giving me as much as a reason for our break up.
It's been a month since and all I can do is cry myself to sleep at night. Here I am now at the beach staring into the horizon as tears find their way down my cheeks. The one person I thought would love me forever, tossed me aside as if everything we did and had was nothing. If this is what happens when you're in love then I'd rather not experience it. Especially after witnessing how he moved on quickly. I practically stopped believing in it.
That is until I met her.
The person who brought back the spark in me.
We hit it off quickly, started going out and got married after two years of dating.
Everything was fine. We were so happy.
Until he appeared again.
Him asking for us to meet to talk things out, led to me ending up in his bed. I had an argument with my wife before meeting him. It was a petty argument but it made me angry because of her stubbornness. Her love for me started to feel suffocating and I wanted to escape.
"Yong sun ah." He called tenderly.
I just looked at him as he smiled.
"I love you."
Finally the words I had longed to hear from him. If only things were different now.
"I need to go."
