2.1.53

Chapter Twelve : Refuge

There are moments in life where you don't understand your decisions, even though you are fully conscious, fully sober. Professional athletes term it as 'The zone'. Although no one actually knows how anyone gets into or gets out of the zone, but almost every person on the face of the earth must have experienced it at least once.

I didn't remember most of the things that happened after the call disconnected, just flashes of subconscious decisions. I remember Prinita was startled by looking at my condition and kept on asking what happened. I told her that I needed to leave and she should return home. Then I remember running out of the park, leaving Prinita there, and towards the way that lead to the hospital. There was no point in waiting for a cab.

I could feel my heart pounding and my ears burning even though running was making the winter air hit my face hard enough to make it slightly numb. My mind was clouded by thoughts about mom and Prinita and Shruti and Sam. It was chaotic, all this negative energy was flowing inside my body, creeping in every little corner of my heart and settling there as more sadness.

I was probably a few hundred meters past the park when it suddenly hit me. The source which was fueling all the emotions that were consuming me at that moment. I brought myself to a halt, the thoughts were getting clear, the chaos among the emotions subsiding until the only feeling was left inside me. Rage. And I knew exactly what to do with that.

I turned around and started running again, this time faster. I passed the park in a blink. I wondered if Prinita had already left, should I stay until she finds a cab but I was too consumed to actually stop. I kept on running, took a left, and then sped ahead.

My face was cold but I didn't care, my lungs were out of the air but I didn't care, Prinita was left alone by me once again but I didn't care, Mom was being taken to the hospital but I didn't care. I kept on running, stopping wasn't an option for me.

I was huffing when I finally stopped. I gasped for air and filled my lungs with oxygen. I was standing just outside my own house. I took out my phone and called Sam again.

He picked up after a few rings, "Hey bud, everything is all right here, the bleeding has stopped and she had a mild concussion but she is stable now" He spoke before I could ask something.

"Great. Please take care of her. I am coming as soon as I can" I said.

"All right no rush, but your sister...." I disconnected the call midway. I wondered what he was talking about Shruti but decided I can listen some other time. I had a task in mind, a task that needed to be completed.

I pushed on our front door. It was shut but not locked. I opened it and went inside. All the rooms had their lights turned off except one, Dad's bedroom. The door of it was slightly ajar, a thick scent of cigarette smoke sustained even in the hallway.

I pushed open the door. The last time I was here was the day I graduated high school. His room had a printer and I used it to print my result sheet. The room had barely changed since then. He was sitting in a chair, a cigarette dangling in between his fingers.

"Oh, look who has returned. What do I owe your pleasure?" His voice was coated with mockery.

But I was not there to listen to his insults, not anymore. I asked in a firm, loud voice, "Why did you hit mom?"

He burst out in a fit of laughter. His laughter echoed in the room and it was loud, so loud that I was concerned that the small Buddha figurine kept on the edge of the table will fall on the floor.

"I didn't want it to happen. It was an accident" he said and laughed again, not loud this time

"Why did you tried to hit Shruti?" I asked, I wasn't going to tolerate his bullshit excuses.