The Maxwell's

Cycle

Joshua's Pov

I don't think any of us slept last night, well I definitely know I didn't. I kept having replays of the moment in my mind and it got more and more scarring each time through. Marco brought me down to the medical room and patched up my injuries from Ace's men. He tried to make some small talk to make light of the situation but I was still in shock and not in the mood to speak to anymore at the moment. He finished patching up my wounds and I went to my room to write in my journal because I couldn't say these words out loud to someone. They sounded too vulnerable.

𝙷𝚎𝚢 𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕,

𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚒𝚝. 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙸 𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚢𝚌𝚕𝚎. 𝙰𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝙱𝚕𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚞𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎. 𝙸 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚜. 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚖 𝙸 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚠? 𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖? 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝙸𝚝𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚠𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍. 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚖 𝙸 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖? 𝙷𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍. 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚝. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢. 𝙸 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚊 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏. 𝙸𝚝𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚞𝚕𝚝. 𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝙰𝚌𝚎'𝚜 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚎.

𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕,
𝙹𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚊 𝙼𝚊𝚡𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕

With that I then ended my writing and closed my journal slowly. I looked to my alarm clock and it was now 3am. Mostly everyone has drank themselves to sleep or cried themselves to sleep so I snuck myself into Blake and I's planning room. I started my plan to end the empire. I looked through all our blueprints and marked entry points. Yes, for everyone asking I will be riding this mission solo. Marco and the others don't need to find out about this because all they will do it worry about my safety. Frankly, I'm not worried about my safety anymore. Im worried about my loved ones and the people Im close to.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to someone yelling my name in the foyer of our house. I groaned rubbing my eyes and making my way to the railing of the top floor to look to see who's calling me. I looked down to see Ivy and Law standing in the foyer. Marco was by the door which I assumed he let them in because they wouldn't have gotten in any other way.

"Primo go out and have fun today. I know its hard but we aren't doing any planning today and if we do I'll call you immediately. You have my word." He said giving me a look of reassurance. I was hesitant at first but then nodded my head. I went to go get changed and went to look in the mirror. I looked to myself and saw a shell of myself in the mirror. I had stitches across my forehead, bloodshot eyes and a busted lip. Walking away from my reflection I put on a hoodie and sweats with some white air forces.

I made my way downstairs and was met by Law and Ivy. Law put his arm around my shoulder and walked out towards his car while Ivy stayed back a minute to talk to Marco. I honestly saw Law as an older brother at this point because he's taken care of me when I've needed him. I got into the passengers side while Law got into the drivers seat. This left Ivy to get in the back when she was finished. Law blasted his music as Ivy came out and made her way into the backseat.

"How are you doing.." Ivy asked me gently as she grabbed my hand running her thumb across my knuckles softly. I just shrugged really not wanting to go into detail about anything. Especially about how I was feeling after last nights events. Law got the memo before Ivy did and immediately changing the conversation to talk about colleges. Apparently Law and I also got accepted into the same college but I haven't decided if I even want to go yet.

"You're still going to college right?" Law asked me his voice raspy. I just shrugged because I really didn't want to go to college without Blake but I know he would want me to. 

"Love I think its best if you go. I think Blake would've wanted you to be successful and have the time of your life." Ivy said to me gently while putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I just nodded my head slowly neither confirming it or denying it.

A little while later they drove me back to the Sanchez house because I really only wanted to be there right now. I entered the front door not speaking to any of my cousins and going up to my room. Law must have told Bellamy what happened because an hour or so later Bellamy came into my room and sat on my bed with me.

"Why don't you want to go to college?" He asked gently and I really don't think I could give him a clear explanation but I'm going to try my hardest.

"I don't want to go without Blake Bel. Him and I had all these plans to do everything together and now he's gone. So that means so are our plans." I said pulling my hood over my head because I could feel myself starting to get upset but I held it back.

"You're going to graduate and go to college because that's what he would've wanted." I heard Xander say as he leaned on my door frame. Wow so much for privacy in this household. I told him okay just to get him off my back and they left my room. I waited until they all were asleep before going into the plan room.

Another night of no sleep for me its just become a repeating cycle at this point.