The Protector 2

Chapter Three: Self Therapy

" What" Kara responds after hearing Ravens shout. " Why..would I want to know that " Even Shawn looked at Raven with a concerned look. " When Gabriel brought Victoria didn't have sex with her. He could have but he didn't. And it wasn't because he couldnt..he refused to. I know this is random but hear me out on this. He didn't have sex with her because he was in love with you. He could have went for her but he didn't. When it came down to it. When it mattered. He couldn't go through it'
Kara listens but is still extremely confused. "Are you...telling this to make me feel bad for sleeping with Pierce and Gwen? I regret Pierce but I don't regret anything with Gwen " Kara felt slightly offended by Ravens insinuation.
" No of course not. I'm saying this because when I figured it out. It made me realize that what he felt for you was strong. He had married her by this point and had every reason to. And I think that is because Gabriel knew she wasn't the right one for him. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I'm just saying, that whilst I don't know how he works for the most part. From what I can see, he won't do that unless it's with someone that he loves. Which means, that no matter the shit you two have went through. After everything, he still loves you. And if he loves you. That means you love him too. You may be running from it. You felt things for Gwen. But think about it. Gwen. She reminded you of him did she not? " Raven asks.
" Yes...on some level. Yes " She answers
" Okay, and I mean no disrespect to Gwen because I know she was a good person but I think..in some ways..you subconsciously were having that experience that you wanted with Gabriel through her. And when she died, you closed yourself off. You held onto Gwen and still do because she is a representation of what you held onto with Gabriel. And that is why you think you are over it " She smiles. " But if you don't understand what I'm talking about then watch this " Raven snaps her fingers and all three find themselves in the Courtyard. Gwen's Grave is on the ground beneath their feet. " I know you think I'm bat shit crazy right now. But trust me. Close your eyes " Raven instructs Kara to do so who relunctly does so.
" Okay good. Now when you think of Gwen..what do you feel? " Raven asks. Kara thinks on this for a moment and see's a shield in her mind. Strong and shinning. " I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel comforted. I feel attraction. Pleasure. Excitement. I feel mutual love " Kara answers confidently. " Okay now Picture Gabriel and tell me what you feel " Kara does this as well and this time, she see's a small puppy hiding in a box, only his snout poking out. " I feel...lost, scared, frustration, anger...betrayel. I feel curiosity and yet predictability. I feel numbness, sadness, hopeless but most of all, I feel dissapointed " Kara answers and opens her eyes. " What was the point of this Raven?" Kara looks around and sees that Shawn and Raven had vanished. " WHAT THE FUCK MAN?" Kara screams and then stops herself when looks down at Gwen's Grave. " I'm sorry. I know. I said I wouldn't lose it as much. But this is ridiculous. They drag me out here to fucking do nothing but point out nothing...they.." Kara stops herself. " They...dragged me...out here " Kara looks down and notices the flowers had wilted on the ground. Kara realized she had not returned to the Graves in months. She had stopped around 6 months ago because she got caught up in work. It use to be, nothing stopped her from spending her time at the Grave. And now..she was dragged...dragged...out here. " What the hell is wrong with me..I didn't even notice. I didn't even..." Kara falls to her knees as she stares at the flowers. " I...god..Gwen...what is wrong with me? Why did I seriously have to go and fuck shit up. I love you...right? " Kara asked, realizing that she was asking nothing but the space and dirt. " It shouldn't be this way. You should be here. With me " Kara punches the ground beside her. " You should be here with me.." Kara would give anything to have Gwen back. And despite that, she hadn't made the time for her.
" Kara.." Kara could hear the calm voice of Gwen in her head..
" Gwen?" Kara looked around but saw nothing. Had it finally happened? Had Kara lost her mind? Had she made this up?
" Kara..I love you " Gwen's voice calls again, ringing through her head and making Kara stare blankly into the distance. " Gwen...this can't be real. You can't be real. I..you...you are dead..." this had to be some sick and twisted Joke her subconscious was playing on her.
" You have done so good. You have helped your Kingdom so much" Gwen's voice continues despite Kara's objections. " But you are lying to yourself. And you know it. You are doing everything to hide yourself away. You know how much you mean to me..but we can't be. We could never be"
" That is not true...if I had made it back in time I could have stopped my mother. I could have stopped Santara. I could have saved you" Kara began sobbing as she defended herself. She truly believed she could have changed things.
" You said the same thing about Gabriel when you found it Victoria saved him..." Gwen answers which catches Kara off guard. " That was different.." Kara tried to reason with her head but she knew better. " No it's not..it's exactly the same and you know it. Everything you have done. It is a duality. It Is the same thing, over and over again..because you grow but you do not learn " Gwen explains as Kara continues staring off in the distance.
" That isn't true. It's not the same. I tried to help him but I couldn't get there in time and that was because.." Kara fights back. " It is not the same. I chose to not repeat the same mistake. I just.." Kara was losing this battle so quickly and she knew that. She knew that she didn't have a good reason or excuse for what she did. Not this time. " I should have waited. I shouldn't have went after him so quickly. I just assumed that-" is cut off by Gwen.
" He wanted to hurt you again. He wanted to make you suffer from his anger. But you now know he didn't. And you sit here, weeping over something you can't change. But you can change how things are now..if it is so complicated. Then you must simplify it "
Kara could not understand the reason why Gwen would be pushing her towards Gabriel. She had to have a good reason. Gwen always had a good reason. But it didn't make Kara feel any better. Of course it wouldn't make her feel better.
" I don't want him Gwen. I really don't. I don't even want to see him anymore. I'm not mad. I just..I don't want to see him " Kara explained to the voice inside her head. " Kara...the time is coming. Where you will have to make a choice. And for your sake, I hope you make the right one " Gwen's voice falls silent as Kara pleas " What do you mean? What choice are you talking about?"  Kara pleaded with but received no response from the voice inside her head. Instead, she was met with silence and the last words that were said, echoing through her head. She didn't know what it meant, but it unsettled her.

Kara sat in front of the Grave and stared on into the nothingness before bringing her hand up to her line of sight. The gash on her hand was beginning to burn. It had been so long she had received it but this was the first time it had hurt since she killed Jack and Pierce. It burned as though hot metal was melting in her skin. And though it caused immense pain, Kara almost didn't seem to react to it. She could feel it, but she didn't care at the same time. The pain was feeling inside in this moment mattered far more to her than the physical pain. 

Without warning,  a loud thunderous sound blasted through the Underworld. This was of course something that Kara could hear. She looked to the sky curiously. Having never heard anything like it before.  It seemed to come from the Green sky above and reviberated through her body. It seemed powerful and ominous. At first, she thought her was Kingdom was under attack but at the same time, knew that whatever the cause of the sound was, would not be as forgiving as a simple attack. Something felt wrong about. Which only caused her scar to burn even more. Kara fell to the ground, the pain becoming to much for her now. The scar looked the same but also seeming to radiate something powerful and foreign within Kara.
Wether this was by magic or wether this was by unknown circumstances to Kara, she knew for sure that this would be a problem.