Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Private Angel Log Entry Ten

Private Angel Log Entry Ten

"I'm going after him."

"Frank you can't, that's exactly what Lucifer wants you to do, and all that will end up happening is that you will die and leave Gerard completely alone. Is that what you want?" Brendon crossed his arms over his chest as he argued with me.

"Of course not, but if you think I am going to leave him to rot in Hell then you obviously don't know me very well," I snapped back bitterly.

"You know that's not what I mean...all I am saying is that if you go storming off to spit in Lucifer's face, you will just end up dead, and you are no help to Gerard that way."

"Gerard made it out of Hell," I protested stubbornly, even though I was running out of points to bring up. We had been debating this for an hour now, and I was two seconds away from flying off with or without his consent.

"Gerard had the element of surprise on his side. If you go down there, Lucifer will be ready with everything he has at his disposal, and you won't survive that - none of us will."

"I never said you had to come with me," I shot back angrily, not that I was actually upset with Brendon. His words made sense, I just didn't want to hear them, all I wanted was Gerard back safe and sound. I needed to hold him in my arms again, he had only been missing for a few hours, and I was already a wreck, which didn't bode well for my mental state if I wasn't able to extricate him soon.

I was currently pacing around the living room with my wings fully extended in an attempt to warm them up, they had been almost frozen solid from my extended flight in the harsh weather conditions, and I was only just beginning to regain some feeling in them.

I couldn't seem to keep still, because that made it seem like I wasn't doing anything productive, so I continued my pointless trek; walking back and forth over the rug so many times, I was surprised that I hadn't worn straight through it already.

The others had convinced me to return back to the lodge, but not before I had searched the surrounding wilderness for any sign of Gerard for hours, and I only agreed because I was so cold, I could barely stay in the air.

This place felt empty now...when only hours before it had been filled with life and love, and I couldn't call it my home - not anymore, and it wouldn't be one until Gerard graced it with his presence again.

"You are an idiot if you think we aren't going to help you with this. We just need to calm down and think of a plan okay?" Brendon tried to lay a comforting hand on my arm, but I pulled out of his grasp roughly.

"Fuck that! I need to find him now - fuck - he's probably being tortured as we speak..." I collapsed onto the couch, overcome by a sudden wave of weakness, and if I hadn't already puked my guts out earlier, I would have thrown up on the living room floor.

The mental images my mind provided me with were enough to make anyone nauseous, all of them involving a bloody and broken Gerard, calling out my name desperately as I watched, unable to do anything to help him.

I wrapped my wings around my body in a pathetic attempt to shield myself from the world, which actually only made me think of Gerard even more, because he loved when I would encase him in my feathers. He told me it made him feel protected and loved, but I had failed to keep him safe this time...

"We will save him Frank, I promise." Brendon sank down on the cushion next to me warily, but my fury was receding, and crippling depression was rapidly taking its place.

"I might have an idea," Billie Joe spoke up softly from his original position on the floor. Even though most of the seats were now free since everyone else had retreated to their rooms to give us some privacy, he had remained there, and I had managed to forget about his presence entirely until just now.