Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Entry Eight: My Worst Nightmare

Entry Eight: My Worst Nightmare

I didn't know how to function with the tumultuous storm that was my emotions raging inside me, so I just went numb. Finally I understood what Bob meant when he said he never felt much of anything. It was like a switch had flipped inside of me, and I refused to let anything penetrate the barrier I had put around my heart.

I went out on another assignment, determined not to let my targets pain turn me into a blubbering mess this time. Briefly, I debated calling for Frank to apologize to him, but I decided against it. I ached to see him, but I couldn't bear to face the revulsion I am sure he felt for me now, if he even came that is. So I returned to Hell before I could give in to the temptation to scream his name to the heavens.

I could never have imagined what would be waiting for me when I returned...

An elite demon greeted me once I had materialized outside my room and gestured for me to follow him. I did so with trepidation, recognizing the path toward Lucifer's palace, my heart began to race.

Thousands of scenarios bombarded me, he could simply be calling me to congratulate me on my recent success, or it could be so much worse. What if he found this diary...what if he knew I had been off dallying with an angel? Fearing the worst, I braced myself as I approached his throne, trying to hide my internal debate from his knowing gaze.

"I have someone here I would like to reacquaint you with," Lucifer said once I had bowed before him. "He is a new recruit, and I can think of no one better to be his guardian."

I was under the impression that nothing but Frank could make me begin to feel again, but I have never been so wrong in my life. From behind a drawn curtain, another elite demon emerged...and trailing behind him, his terrified eyes darting everywhere at once, was none other than my brother Mikey.

All the emotions I had been holding at bay poured through the floodgate I had constructed, threatening to bring me to my knees with the sheer force of them. It took all the mental strength I possessed to maintain a straight face, losing control of myself in front of Lucifer would be disastrous.

"You don't have a problem with that - do you?"

I would have traded everything I had to wipe that sneer of Lucifer's face, but that's what he wanted me to do. If I showed even an iota of emotion, he would destroy me on the spot, and I couldn't let him do that with Mikey in the room.

"None at all Master." I bowed again gracefully.

"I didn't think so. Mikey - follow him to your quarters. He will help you transition into your new life in Hell."

Silently, Mikey came and stood by my side. With a final bow, after receiving a nod from Lucifer which meant I was free to leave, I turned smartly on my heel and stalked out of the audience hall at a measured pace.

Once we had reached the relative privacy of Mikey's new room, I finally allowed the tenuous leash on my self-control to snap. With tears pouring down my face, I clung to my brother's frail form in a crushing embrace.

"Gerard...this is all just some trippy dream right? Please tell me I am going to wake up at home and none of this will be real." The pleading in his voice just made me sob all the harder, and I couldn't speak through my sorrow.

"It's real Mikes..." I choked out.

"You have got to be shitting me."

"I wish I was..." Slowly I began to reign in my unruly tears. In shock, Mikey sat down heavily on the bed, hiding his face in his hands.

"Why did you do it?" was my question to him once I could form a coherent thought again, because I knew without being told that Mikey had killed himself, maybe it was brotherly intuition, or just the most logical explanation, but I knew I was correct.

"I didn't think I was going to." Mikey raised his head, and the desolation in his eyes reminded me so much of my own.

"I thought I could keep going even after you left, but things just went downhill from there. I began to shut down emotionally and drive everyone away. When Alicia left me, that was the last straw, and I just snapped. I wanted you back more than anything, and if I couldn't have that, I thought I might as well join you. I just never imagined death would be anything like this..."

"Oh Mikes..." I moaned brokenly.

"I'm sorry Gerard."

"I never wanted this for you. I even asked an angel to watch over you...his name is Frank. Did you ever see him, he has dark hair and tattooed arms?"

"No - I haven't seen anyone like that..." Mikey shook his head sadly.

An indescribable fury filled me to the brim. I had trusted that Frank would keep his promise, even if he hated me, I had been sure that he would watch over Mikey for me. I felt betrayed...I thought angels were supposed to help people, but Frank had just sat by and done nothing as my brother made the worst mistake of his life! Stubbornly, I stamped my rage down, Mikey was all that mattered at this moment.

I stayed with my brother for hours, trying to ease him into this terrible world we now called home. After he had succumbed to sleep, I crept out of his room wearily.

I couldn't believe this was happening...I wouldn't survive seeing my brother turned into a broken shell of a demon, and the odds were slim that he would be able to retain his humanity like I did. I had to take him away as quickly as possible, but if we did escape, I would be dooming us to a life of eternally checking over our shoulders, always wondering when Lucifer's minions would appear. Would that be any better than the situation we were currently in?

I didn't have the answer to that question, but I knew someone who owed me some answers. The anger I had suppressed earlier came bubbling back to the surface as I entered the portal which would take me to Earth. With a resounding snap, I unfurled my skeletal wings and took off in a rush of air.

"Frank!" I roared mentally.

I knew I was insane with grief and rage, but I didn't care anymore. I couldn't hold it all in, and I wanted to make Frank feel some of the agony he had caused me. I had entrusted him with my brother, and he hadn't even bothered to check up on him once! I would make him pay...

I feel like such a meanie! Mikey is a demon and Gerard is going to beat the crap out of Frank. What happens next? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!!!

Okay enough of the random TV announcer voice :) So I think I finally figured out where I want this story to go. Now that I have an idea in my head, I will try to write as often as I can, so I will try to keep updating at least every other day.

I am really happy with this story, and to every one of you that is reading this...you are amazing and I love you. Thank you for making my day with your comments and votes.

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