Tell Me I'm an Angel (Frerard)

Pain

Gerard's POV:

Pain.

It consumes me...destroys me...it has become me.

I am blistering agony - no longer am I a person with thoughts, and emotions, and feelings. I am pain - pain is me - whatever else I was has been erased by this unending torment.

I never imagined anything like this, and I had been through quite a bit in my short life span. Killing myself hurt much more than I thought it would; my stomach felt as if I had poured fire into it instead of pills and vodka, and the convulsions ripped their way through my body in tortuous waves.

But that was nothing compared to this, even being sliced open by that demon seemed paltry in comparison. I laugh at myself now, I was so naive to think that I knew true agony.

Even when I had been healed by Frank's holy fire; which I had previously thought to be the worst feeling I had ever experienced, it seems so small a thing now. That pain is something I would gladly beg for every day if it freed me from what I am currently going through.

I don't know how this happened, I had been so careless to allow those demons to sneak up on me unaware. I should have sensed them, even though I was suffering from the side effects of my Livian withdrawal.

Still, I fought viciously, incapacitating at least two of them before they brought me to my knees, filling my body with poisoned arrows so I could not escape. There was just too many of them...at least ten against my one, and I never even had a chance.

I screamed for help, desperate for someone to come save me, but I had wandered too far away from the house, and no one heard my cries.

I cannot recall much else after that point, the venom addled my brain and left me paralyzed and weak. I know that they dragged me to Hell...before Lucifer himself.

I spit in his face, which was something I had been longing to do since the moment I met him. That of course earned me a hard slap across the cheek, but it didn't matter. Nothing I did would save me from whatever fate he had in mind for me. I had committed the ultimate taboo of running away, and now I was finally paying the price for my deed.

Apparently stealing the Livian had been the last straw, according to Lucifer, he had been willing to let me wander earth for a time until he could be bothered with me, but taking his valuable stash right under his nose had inflamed his rage, and he had forced all of his trackers to the surface with orders not to return until I was found.

It was worth it though...because Mikey was safe. I knew the demons hadn't caught him. They didn't even seemed bothered by the fact that he was still out there, free from Lucifer's grasp, and I wasn't going to bring that to their attention anytime soon.

He is safe I think, surrounded by angels that can protect him. Even Lucifer wouldn't dare to face that many of them at once. It is hard to bring their names to mind, but I know they exist, and I trust them to watch over Mikey when I cannot.

I am trapped in the Wastelands now, frozen here for any demon to come torment me as they please, and many have taken the opportunity to gloat over how Lucifer's golden boy has fallen so far. I find it laughable that I never even realized how highly Lucifer regarded me until just now, but evidently he had great hopes for me, and I found joy in the fact that I had dragged those through the dust.

Lucifer himself has visited me quite often, and those are the worst torture sessions by far. He knows exactly how to inflict the most pain without causing me to pass out, and even though I try my best to conceal my screams and whimpers, he manages to elicit them from me every time.