Dark Feelings Bright Thoughts

Fuck This, Fuck That

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck them, fuck that, fuck him. fuck her, fuck it, fuck you, but especially fuck me. I've learned to hate this world and all it's bullshit but I wish I can be accepted and love everyone in it. I walk into work i'm greeted with smiles but I feel the awkwardness it's all over the aisles. People see me but don't see my struggle, just assuming i'm weird or over reconciled. I smile I wave, but inside I cascade. Feeling pain and loneliness just to walk up to a guest and say i'm great with the biggest smile puffing my chest. I fucking hate how people feel the need to tell you it's okay. If it truly was we wouldn't need to say. I fucking hate myself for being the way I am. A total loser living in an apartment with no goals just music to jam. Fuck you for leaving me to fend for myself. Fuck me for allowing me to cry in and out of the library bookshelves. I smile so vigorously on the outside but feel depression weighing me down on the inside. Why try? Fuck them for taking you away. Fuck you for letting me stay. Fuck off for letting me suffer and pay. Fuck everyone for letting me say i'm okay. I'm drowning and I can't swim, lost in all my sins. I feel the darkness creeping up on me. Surrounding my thoughts, running me up a tree. Or was it a curb? Fuck i'm drunk what did I do to deserve? Maybe its the drugs, or maybe it's not. Smoking weed never left me in a cot. Drinking always seemed a solution is it not? Maybe that's why you up and left me in a cell of my own pain and sorrows to rot.  It's a curse to be the way I am. All fucked up in the head because of my past. Maybe that's why we didn't last. Maybe I deserve to drown in my world  like a nuclear blast.  I just deserve to suffer all alone in this world of mine. Fuck that therapy bullshit does it ever really work? Crying in front of a professional who doesn't truly know your worth. Fuck him for stealing you away. Fuck you for letting him take you "why didn't you stay." Fuck this poem it barely even rhymes. Fuck me for telling myself I can be better with time.