Dark Feelings Bright Thoughts

Heal Thy Self

Times like this I find myself wondering about religion. Whether or not certain stories or notions are truth or lies. I despise this thought of helplessness. Reincarnation, Heaven, Peace, Rebirth. I think to myself which one is right. Well what if it's all right. Or it's alright if it isn't. What if their is emptiness after. Your existence is blank after death. My heart beats with anxiety at the thought of nothing being next. It's how human minds work, we associate death with a thought because we cannot fathom nothingness after death. I must find myself before I die, I have to travel before i'm too old to, I need to have kids before it's too late, I need to live before I die but why? Is it because their is nothing after? I want to be remembered, or I want to matter when i'm gone but doesn't life go on? I need to heal and find my passion, my love, myself. Who I want to be matters to who I am today, because what if I die tomorrow without saying i'm here for you to my daughter? What if I die angry at my wife because we argued. Will I find peace? Will she find peace? What if life doesn't continue and I miss my chance to tell her I love her so much and I cannot breathe when I think of myself without her? I want to be here for her now. I want to live my life with her till death. I need to heal, my pain, my sorrow, my problems, before I go to be the best of who I am. I need to be a good person before I die because when i'm gone I can't re- try with my life. I want to heal. If life is about learning, will I finish my lesson before the end or will I be left yearning? Burning inside because of the thought of failure fills me with disconcerting. My brother believes God is the answer, I hear it like the ghost casper. Whispering in the back of my mind, as if i'm blind to life. Heal thy self or fall to the pain of hitting the shelf. Heal.