Dark Feelings Bright Thoughts

Chivalry is Dead

I thought I was your shining knight turned out I was Death. Gave you false hope and made you feel blessed. I faked you an oasis and trapped you in the mirage. You pushed for a better life and I held you from your goals. I showed your future like tarot cards. I raised you the lovers but played you a fool, now who's the fool now that you've walked away. marathon running would never let me catch your gaze. I'd run my whole life because that's my way. My only method and solution to finally be at peace in my state. Maybe that's why you've up and left and found someone new. Built you new relationships, a new crew. Left me alone to finally realize, that I have no one but you. Now I don't have you and I shiver in cold. Never feeling the warmth from the love you sold. Sold to someone else who is obsessed with your love. Obsessed in your life and blessing your body like up above. My love language is touch if it's not too obvious, maybe that's why I feel so unbalanced in this. I don't feel hungry, I don't feel sleep, I don't feel love, I don't want to drink. Maybe to fade and slowly disappear will I find peace in here. Maybe I should blink and maybe it'll pass, the pain will subside and I will be laid to rest at last. I just wish I could run it again, do it over like games. revert to last save to give myself a chance to be changed. I want to cry but my body refuses, leaving me to my muses, but what if I just clicked and let go of the grudging. Fade away by the push of a button. Maybe that's why I felt for your vampires. you know from the show you that turned their emotions off like light spires. Rewatching rewatching till it built your love for them. Now I see that i'm a lot like them. Feeling emotions intensely suffering, I want to flick them off by the push of a button. I have for a while and that's why I feel almost nothing, but it's still there and I feel something. I hide my pain and my sorrow by drinking. I wish it was water and healthy thinking. It's not and i'm okay with it. Drowning my life away like I can't swim, just float way way down, till I can't feel nothing, but the weight of my regret. I still try to be happy, yet I find myself just tapping. I know it's me and woe is me and maybe I should get over myself. These writings are all that separate my thoughts. Pull the negativity out like a bad tooth that rots. I used to open doors for you, I used to cook and clean all day for you. I took care of you when you were sick, when you felt unhappy, I held you, when you wanted to be alone I gave it to you. It didn't matter the deed is done. Chivalry is dead because i'm not the one.