Alexithymia, in the best state a person can experience a hardship in describing or expressing feeling, but in the worst case, the patient can not feel at all. 10% of the general population experiences this disorder. I am one of them, and this is my...
"Mrs. Davail?" I hear as I continue searching the computer. "Mrs. Davail?" She calls, louder this time as I turn around in the chair to face her.
"What?" I ask as her friendly face falls and a cold, empty expression is all that remains.
"I've known you for a long time Mrs. Davail. But I will not stand here and take the bland disrespect you are serving to me!" She says as she finishes up her rant. "I'm going to phone your mother!" She threatens as I smile at her arrogance.
"Do it" I speak through my smile. "I'm sure she would appreciated the call during her emotional break down. Just another sad reminder of her now disowned daughter doing better off without her, sounds amazing, right?" My sarcasm shooting down her threat as with one huff she leaves.
"What happened?" Declan ask as he walks through the door and see the old woman angrily exiting the library.
"Nothing" I say as he places a coffee right next to me as I look up to his face. "What is this?" I ask as he pauses at my question.
"It's coffee Rose" he says I shudder hearing that name.
"Sorry" I say picking up the coffee. "Thanks" I say as I take a drink and continue my search.
"So........" Declan starts as I keep typing. "What do you have?" he ask as I smirk.
"Well" I say as I jot down on my notebook quickly, turning it to face him. "I've been at it for three hours and I've only gotten one address." I admit as a smile emerges on his face. "I wouldn't smile so quickly" I say as I type the address into the computer, turning my results to him. "It's a five hour trip, Hepsburg, Wyoming" I say as I throw my head into my hands.
"What's wrong with a road trip?" He ask as I can't help it, standing up from the chair and hugging him. "Do you do this with everyone?" He ask as I pull away from him and smirk.
"Just because I can't feel emotions doesn't mean I'm not grateful for everything you've helped me with" I say as I grab my coat and we walk to to Declan's truck as I smile.
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"It's been five hours!" I complain as he keeps driving. His eyes never leaving the road before us as I sigh.
As I look to the passenger window and hit his arm as I see the small sign. It's sad letters drooping in rusted letters that looked like they once spell welcome to Hepsburg.
"I think we entered the town?" I say, unsure at the appearance of the small town in front of me. "Maybe we should pull over and ask for direction?" I ask Declan as he shrugs and pull over to what seems to be the only gas station in this town.
He suggested this trip, so I thought maybe he would be his normal self. But instead for five hours I was confined to a truck with a man that seemed to be holding something back from me. He was right next to me but his facade almost seemed too familiar. The same one I used, only mine was too mask the void his was too cover up his emotion using a void.
"Okay" he says coldly as I shrug, jumping out of the truck and holding my wallet in my hand.
Walking into the small convenience store it screamed to me, was this meant to be my home? Was this where I would've been if I was never given up? Would I have been happier with my mother?
As my questions shatter as I hear the small bell, alerting the store clerk that I was there rang through the store.
"How can I help you?" I hear as I hastily turn around to see a old woman waiting for my reply.
"Yes, I um....." I start as she looks uninterested.
"I don't have all day honey!" She replies as I sigh as I pull out the destination from wallet.
"Do you know where this address is?" I ask as I slip the paper over the counter to her as she studies it.
"You don't look like the type" she says as I cock my eyebrows at her words.
"What type?" I ask her as she smiles.
"The type to be looking for the direction to the prison" she says as I can't fully process what she's said. "53rd Walter Drive?" She corrects herself as I just silently nod at the address.
"I'm just looking for my mother" I say in confusion as she nods.
"Now that you say that you remind me of someone." She says as I can see it in her eyes. "I don't mean anything by this but your eyes remind me of my sisters old best friend. Does the name Iris Pansy ring a bell girl?" She as as I just nod.
Maybe it was the shock. The only reaction I could have, to freeze. Only being able to listen to the words she was spewing.
"But she was always so creepy. So condescending and rude, mom never liked her and I always felt something off with her." She continues as I feel like I want to just leave, but not even with all the strength in the world could I bring my legs to move. "But not too many year ago she went to prison. Apparently she murdered her husband, got 30 to life." She reminds herself as I can't do anything. "Don't tell me!" She says as she realizes something.
"Rose?" I hear through the store as I see Declan as he wraps his arm around my back and ushers me to the truck.
"ARE YOU IRIS PANSY'S GIRL???! ARE YOU???!" She yells after me as Declan just continues to usher me out as I can only breathe, the only think I'm in control of.
"Tell me?" Declan ask me as he sit me in the passenger seat. "What happened?" He ask as I take a deep breath, trying to choke the words out of my mouth.
"W.....Wright........I want my dad and........Wright" I say as I bury my head into Declan's jacket in shock. I'd never felt this way before, and I hated this feeling. I'd prefer numbness over this feeling, it was new and yet I'd choose the past, same routine feeling over this new one.
"You can tell me" Declan says as he pulls my head out of his jacket and holds his hands on my shoulders. "What happened in there?" He ask as I finally manage to get something out.
"She's a murderer" I say as he runs to the other side of the truck, pulling out his phone and quickly dialling. As I could hear the emergency services greeting. "My mom" I whimper as he suddenly hangs up, confused.
"Rose" he coos my name as I look at him. "Who's a murderer?" He ask me as I answer his question.
