Heart On A Platter

Yours Truly

"You don't really hate me" he tries to reassure himself as I sigh. Not knowing if I had to answer his deep self reflection.

"Is that even really a question?" I ask him as I drive straight through the empty parking lot of my apartment building. "But whatever you have to tell yourself" I say as I continue to keep my eyes on the road, still steering the car straight.

"I'll never be able to hate you" he says as I sigh. That was so irritating, just because he felt like that didn't mean I had to feel anything like that.

"Well, that's nice" I scoff as suddenly little rain droplets slowly start hitting the windshield.

"You should pull over" Jack advises as I smirk while ignoring him.

The rain slowly picking up as I turn the car and continue on driving.

"PULL OVER!" He yells as the rain starts pouring, as I keep ignoring him, pulling into a parking space. Placing the car in park and opening the door.

"Why did you even have this stupid idea?" I ask him as I jump out of the car and start walking into the pouring rain surrounding me.

"Because I wanted to see you again" I hear through the rain. "I couldn't stand to be away from you for a minute longer Dahlia, Rose, however you are. I hoped you were still here" he admits as I sigh. I felt slightly sorry.

"Well you saw me!" I tell him, walking back to him. "You can leave now" I angrily say to him as maybe it was the rain, but I saw tears emerging from his usually clear maple eyes.

Forcing myself to keep moving, walking back to my apartment, just about to walk up the stairs, he stops me.

"But I want more than just seeing you" he says as I meet him halfway in the grass.

"You left me! You took everything from me! And now you want me?" I ask him as I see a tear coddling his cheek. "You don't get that, I gave you everything, my body, my loyalty and my thoughts and those three simple words I couldn't say to you?!You hated me for! Just because I couldn't say I love you!" I yell to him.

"BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE THE MAN YOU LOVED!!!" His voice broke through the rain with his proclamation.

"AND I WANTED YOU TO STAY!" I scream to him as suddenly I see the real hurt in his eyes, only emerging now that I felt my own.

"I messed up" he says through a slight murmur.

"YEAH!" I agree, "YOU DID!" I yell, finally letting how I truly felt out now that it all made sense, now that I felt something about it.

"You left me, Jack! You walked away and I thought it was okay, that's the saddest part of it all. I thought I was just something that happened. I wanted so much to love you, but I couldn't help that. I would have done anything to have made you stay. I would have said those three words just so you would, I wanted someone to care about me in the world. And I thought that that person would be you!" I say out of pain. Felling the salty flavour of my tears on my lips. "I just wanted you to stay" I finally admit as I let the bough break. I didn't care who knew about my new secret, that I could now feel. Was it wrong that I party missed the numbness? Because the pain was excruciating. As tears streamed from my eyes. As suddenly I feel arms wrap around me. "Was it something-" I start as he shushes me.

"No." He says blankly as he holds me in his arms. "Don't think for a minute it was anything wrong with you" he takes the words right out of my mouth. "I left because I had to, because I thought you didn't care at all" he says in the pouring rain as he runs his hand through my hair and I felt something I never felt in a long time. "I came back for you" he says through a smirk.

As I lift my head, finally seeing the beauty I saw on him when I first saw him. When I spotted him his eyes immediately drew my in, the ordinary brown, but something so addictive laid beneath. They called to me. And I answered, drawing my lips to his as we meet.

This was different, he was different. As I kissed my ex boyfriend feelings didn't feel dead. As the sparks drew me into his arm and kept my there as I coddled his neck in my hands. Holding onto him, hoping that if this time I cling to him so tight maybe he wouldn't leave.

"I never wanted anybody else but you" he whispers in my ear as he pulls away and looks in my eyes. "It's always been you Dahlia" he lets those beautiful words escape his mouth as I smile at his admittance.

"And I want to always be yours" I tell him as he kisses me and my legs buckle at the newfound effect he has over me.

Pulling away was the worse, but I couldn't just leap into his arms, not again. I had to protect my heart, as it was already in shambles.

"I have to go" I whisper into his ear, hesitation clouding my thoughts as I ran up my apartment stairs and tried not to look back, but it was so tempting, he was so tempting.

I watched him through the curtains. Steadily watching him wait for twenty minutes, then losing all hope and walking to his car.

I won't lie, that effected my the worse. The temptation that his lips left on mine. As the mere thought of him had me caressing my lips, reliving the events of earlier that day.

I had to remind myself of why I couldn't do this again. Walking to my room and pulling out the shoebox under my bed the weight as I opened that box ate my up. I hadn't touched this box in two years. That day I reread it more than my eyes should have. Memorizing all the creases and scribbled words, the emotions that were described that always left me pondering why?

As I started reading that one letter it all made sense. Leaving wasn't a choice, it was a last resort. And I knew how that felt. Reminding myself of my triggering run in with a last resort, taking me back to the bathroom floor.

Dear Rose,

I will forever miss you. You will forever lie in my heart, I could never forget you. I don't have what it takes to stay anymore, I can't. I hope one day we will meet again and you will let me explain. I wish you nothing but happiness and success in the future.

                                  Yours Truly,
                                                     Jack Rogers

It was short and sweet. But the more I examined it I cried. As my tears stained the paper I wondered why I never saw it before. He was in pain. Was it the pain of loving me?