Heart On A Platter

Wearing A Frown

"Rose?!" Valerie calls my name as my fake expression quickly falls as I hear those words come out of phone and I hang up with blank eyes. "I need to go" I tell her as she laughs, "This better not be another lame attempt at a joke" she says as I nod and look her straight in the eyes with a serious expression.

"My grandmother passed, I have to leave, I'm sorry" I say as I grab my jacket off the rack and run as quickly as I can to my home. Even though I couldn't feel didn't mean I didn't hate myself for it, it only meant that I hated myself more ever day I stayed numb. Because every day that passed that I didn't feel I knew I never would get the chance to.

~Ten years ago~
"I told you, I don't want her to go, she's fine" my mother says as I keep coloring my drawing, "Rose, can I see?" My grandmother ask me as I nod and she takes the drawing and covers her mouth. "I will tell you one more time Bree, she is not okay" my grandmother says as she shows my picture to my mom as she gasp. As she sees my drawing as it back and shows a shadow and everything only in black and white.

"Rose?" She calls my name as she tears up just looking into my eyes, "Everything's going to be okay, we're going to take you to a doctor and your going to be better in no time." My mother tells my as she tries to comfort me and I simply nod.

As I look through the window of the building and silently think to myself, because as a kid to me, thinking was always better than holding a conversation, even with the ones I held most dear. "I'm Doctor Denier" he says as my mother shakes his hand and my grandmother holds my hand tight, as he shifts his sight to me and kneels down to my height and examines me, "You must be Rose?" He ask me as I simply nod and tear away from his sight and revert my eyes back to the window. "Rose, I'm going to help you" he tells me as I nod and looks at my grandma as she gives me a reassuring nod and I follow him.

I follow him into a room with a couch and a bigger window. "You can take a seat on the couch if you like...." he says as he looks and sees me looking out the window again, as I remember wishing to be as free as those birds that laid on those power lines, free to feel, free to escape.

"Rose, can you tell me why you don't talk?" He ask me as I tear my gaze away from the window and look at him sitting on a chair ready for me to talk, to tell him ever small detail about me. "I.....I.." I stutter as he pats my back, "It's okay Rose, take your time" he encourages me as I nod. "What....What are emotions?" I ask him as his face shifts, "Something you feel, happy, sad, anger...." he says as I cut him off. "Does everyone have them?" I ask as he looks confused but answers nonetheless, "Some, some don't, why is this Rose?" He ask me as I look at the floor. I was conflicted, should I tell this man how I feel, get help or just live with it, big decision for a twelve year old.

"Why don't I have any?" I ask him with a blank expression as he looks surprised, "What are you experiencing Rose" he ask as suddenly I realize the meaning of the words that came out of my mouth. "Rose, I can help, just please tell me" he begs as I take a deep breath and close my eyes and open them to see his face still in front of me. "I don't like conversation, people, I can't........" I say as suddenly I just stop, stop before I finish my sentence to make sure I'm right, and hope to god I'm wrong.

"I can't feel, something's wrong with me"

Present Time
"He need to see Doctor Denier" I tell the receptionist as I bust through the door and she looks at me as if I'm crazy. "You need a appointment, you can't just barge in" she tells me as I smile. "It's either you tell me if he's available or I barge in" I tell her as she stare at me and picks up the phone and whispers, "Security." "That's it, I'm done being nice" I say as I walk past the receptionist and into Doctor Denier room.

"Angie, I told you no unscheduled visits" he says as he turns around and sees me, "I need to feel, can you please help me feel."