Heart On A Platter

The Other Side Of Darkness

"Davail" the woman calls my last name as I stand up and follow her as I she leads me down a hallway to a empty room on the right, "You can sit on the couch, the doctor will be with you soon" she says as I nod as she closes the door and I can't help but let my wonder run wild. As I walk around the office and finally focus my eyes on a degree framed in what seems like a fake gold frame.

"Mrs. Davail" a man calls my last name as I turn around to see him standing with the door open. "Yes?" I say as he closes the door behind him and sits on a chair that makes me feel like he's a physician about to ask me about my eating habits.

"You can sit if you like" he suggest as I nod, "No thank you, since my mom booked you I guess it won't take long" I say with venom in my voice as I more than hate her right now.

"Why do you think your here, Rose?" He ask me as I sit down on the couch, across from him, "I think I prefer Mrs. Davail" I snark as he takes a deep breath and I know he feels uncomfortable and usually I'd feel relieved to know maybe a small bit of my mom wanted me to get better but I know this was her way of payback. I had a gut feeling this wasn't going to end like any normal therapy appointment.

"Give it a chance?" he ask as I look at the floor and think about Declan's advice, maybe I'd have to try to be better, to want to live. "Fine" I say as I sit back on the couch and cross my legs as he sighs.

"What is wrong with you?" He ask me as I slowly sit up and automatically answer, truthfully. "I was diagnosed with Alexithymia when I was twelve, I want to fix this, at the very least live with it" I say as he scribbles in his notebook.

"Go on" he says as I close my eyes and let my secrets flow, let things I've kept to myself out of the box at the hope of getting help.

"I don't like this, it's more than uncomfy. I want to be better, to be able to feel. My mother hates me and sometimes it feels like I'm to much for my father, I want to be better. I used to cut shortly after I was diagnosed but a little after a year I stopped, but after my suicide attempt I've been encouraged over and over to get help" I say as he nods and closes his notebook and takes off his glasses and looks me straight in the eyes.

" This is not want you want to hear Rose but you need to hear this, this is fake. You have made this delusion up so you feel different from others, honestly I find this quite hilarious" he says as he lets out a small laugh and I sit there, unfazed.

"That's exactly what I thought you would say, but that's what anyone would really say" I tell him as I stand up and grab my phone as I squeeze it in my hand, "But that's because your fake, right?" I ask him as he lays his notebook on his desk and I laugh.

"People like you are why I keep this secret. Your degree? In a plastic frame I could practically get at a gas station, and it looks like a kindergarteners signature, as fake as those glasses on you nose" I say as all I feel in this moment is not anger but numb, but my drive to feel anger pushes me.

"I have no idea what your talking about Mrs. Davail" he says as I nod my head, disappointed in what he's done.

"Miss diagnosing people is a dangerous game, next time make it harder to spot the mistakes in your job Lewis" I say as I storm out of the office and back to the waiting room as my mother stands in front of me with a plastered smile on her face.

"How was it?" She ask as I suddenly connect the dots, she knew. She knew this doctor was nothing but a fraud and still took me, for her own selfish reasons.

"I'm done with you" I say as I push past her and she grabs onto my arm as her actions don't feel like enough. "Don't you dare walk away from me Rose Allen Davail!" She says enough for me to hear and pull a few people's attention in the waiting room but not all. My revenge for her was putting her in the spot light for who she truly was.

"WHAT, CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU BROUGHT ME TO A FAKE THERAPIST?" I ask through my yell as she falls silent and the room breaks with gossip carrying whispers. "Don't you do this here Rose" she warns me as I nod and she backs away from me in a sad attempt to blend into the walls , "No, I hope this was enough, I've had enough. Just like the bad mother you are, the one you've always been I want you to know I never want to see you again, go home by yourself. Like the sad excuse of a person you truly are" I tell her as I walk out of the waiting room leaving her to fin for herself in a sea room of people with their eyes all on her and I left.

As I ran down the metallic stairs and wait in the arch of the building as I hold my phone and dial my brothers numbers.

"Wright?" I call his name as I can hear him breathing. "Rose? What's wrong?" He ask as I wait to stop shaking as nod, "I'm fine, but I need you to come pick me up" I say as he sighs, "Okay, I'm going" he says as he hangs up the phone and I sit on the ground while it rains and I watch the rain droplets roll across the windshield of the car sitting in front of me and five minutes or maybe ten pass as a rusty blue truck tires squeal against the asphalt, haulting to a uncertain stop.

"ROSE" I hear as I look up to see Declan calling my name as I glance up to see him opening the car door from the drivers side, "GET IN" he yells as I stand up from the ground and throw myself in the truck in a bad attempt to shield myself from the rain.

"Why are you here?" I ask him as I shut the door and turn to him with my question, "Wright was supposed to pick me up, not you?" I ask him as he shrugs.

"Your dad and him were talking to your doctor, he wanted to be tuned in, important stuff" he says as I laugh. "Yeah, therapy is out of the picture now" I say as I roll my eyes at the thought of the help I was denied of for so long and dreamed of being tarnished by my own selfish mother.

"Rose" Declan says as I laugh, "Sad part is I believed my mother generally wanted to help me, I'm so stupid" I say as I turn to face the window and silence fills the truck.

"Fuck it" I hear as suddenly the trucks tires squeal as I'm pushed to Declan as he pulls a u turn, "What's happening?" I ask him as he smiles, "Starting your bucket list"