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warnings: slightly suggestive at one point, sadness, alcohol
(i hope i didn't miss any—feel free to point anything out.
but anyways, i wrote this a long while ago while listening to he song above and found it again as i looked through old writing lol, so here :)
<<<
pride—it only depends on how much value you give it.
yeji prized hers. she flung her phone away, hearing it thud as it hit the carpet. to stop herself from calling.
because she definitely doesn't want to admit to her cheating and lying ex-boyfriend that she misses him. in fact, she'd rather drown.
bitter and hateful tears fell down her face before she could try and suppress them again. because sitting by the window and looking out into the still awake city, she knows he isn't missing her in the slightest—at a party, maybe. forgetting her completely while she's stuck here, remembering and missing him and knowing that he doesn't care in the slightest. he's happy, she's sure of it.
it hurts all the same.
<<<
pride—some hold it at an even higher value than others, higher than apologies.
yeonjun was one of them. pressing down on the off button on his phone, he shut it down.
because he definitely doesn't want to ask his ex-girlfriend to come back when he was the one who messed it up in the first place—especially when that was what she insisted he was going to do. in fact, he'd rather drown.
he was sitting in the dimly lit bar after leaving a party that—for the first time—was suffocating. now, he was stuck. when he holds his glass to the light, it's the color of her eyes, he realized.
he also realized an already while ago that cheating wasn't worth any of it—and that he had lost something he won't ever get back. the tears sting at his eyes and he almost lets them fall when he downs the whole rest of his glass. he's lost count of them.
it hurts all the same.
soon, his head was too heavy to hold upright, resting on the counter in front of him. he shifted his head to the side—the counter felt cold on his cheek—and stared at his phone with half-lidded eyes. he noticed how easy it would be—it was within an arm's reach. with a messy mind:
"screw it," he murmured under his breath as he took his phone, managing to turn it back on.
he pressed her contact without hesitation.
it rings a few times, and he's wondering if she was going to pick up. or is she was busy with someone else. the thought made his blood boil even though he knew he didn't have a right to.
but like a miracle of some sort, she picks up.
"what the hell do you want?"
it's mean. harsh. but her voice, to him, is lovely to hear.
"you," he replied, not withholding the giddiness he was feeling at all. "you sound as beautiful as you look right now—i just know it."
"are you drunk?" she asked, noting the slur in his words.
when she heard her phone ring, she was expecting it to be someone else. anyone else. instead, his name flashed across the top of the screen over a picture of him. his familiar face. she almost doesn't answer.
but she decided against it, answering only before the last ring.
"pfft—of course not," he denied, dismissing her question, "i just wanted to call to..."
he rested his cheek in his palm. "to say i miss you. a lot."
the confession makes her freeze, but then she reasons that it's too absurd to believe.
"no you don't," she replied with a tired sigh. it was probably a dare or something like that. "go home and sleep."
"only if you'd be next to me."
"then ask anyone else. you won't have a hard time."
"but i'm asking you."
he listens to her sigh over the phone and feels the tears sting at his eyes again.
"it's always you," he continued before she could hang up. his voice was losing its steadiness. "i'd choose you over and over again."
the glass in his hand is empty as he looks down at it. before she could say anything back, he keeps talking, letting out what he had always been wanting to say.
and his pride left behind him.
"i miss you so much—i do and i hate it. what sucks even more is that i know it's my fault and there's no way i can fix it. i'm—"
the words get caught in his throat before he clears it, trying again.
"i'm sorry. for everything. i just—i know i'm selfish for asking but—"
she had ended the call. and impossibly, his heart sinks even further. he's angry, frustrated with his situation, and it doesn't let him hesitate to ask for another drink.
