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warning: sadness :(
<<<
not every relationship gets a happy ending. as much as it hurt, as bitter it made her feel, that was just the way it was. and there was an empty feeling that came with knowing she couldn't do anything about it. she could wish for it as much as she wanted, but things just can't be the way they were before.
it was midnight. ryujin stood outside of his apartment door. here she was, her head full of thoughts she needs to let out before she goes another sleepless night—before she goes crazy. there was no telling of what he would say, but she knew she had to. if not for him...
for herself.
she knocked on the door, hoping he wouldn't be too angry at her for waking him up.
in his apartment, however, he was not asleep—very far from it actually, mindlessly strumming his guitar on the couch. the lamp next to him was the only light in the room. it had been harder to fall asleep lately, and tonight, he decided to take a break from the sleeping pills.
there was a reason why. as much as he didn't want to think about it, nights like these gave him plenty of time to.
getting up and setting his guitar aside, he wondered who would be here this late. he guessed that it might be kai; he shows up out of nowhere from time to time. opening the door, he was proven wrong. his heart almost jumped out of his chest.
they stared at each other for too long until he shuffled to the side to let her in, watching as she sat on the couch. he leaned his shoulder against the wall with his arms crossed, confused.
"sorry if i woke you up," ryujin started, breaking the silence. "i just need to get some things off of my chest. you got a minute?"
she stood up, standing in front of him with a small smile on her face. it was strained because of the bad butterflies swarming in her gut. she prepared beforehand but for a moment, she almost forgot everything.
beomgyu tilted his head slightly before nodding, gesturing for her to go on as he stood up straighter. he didn't look her in the eye, a little nervous to hear what she wants to say.
"well, for starters, you're a horrible boyfriend," she said. in response he narrowed his eyes, but he didn't say anything. there really wasn't anything to say.
it was true and he knew it.
they never spoke about it until now. because when she caught him with her, she disappeared for almost a month.
"but," she continued, a half smile making its way onto her face.
"before you were my boyfriend, you were my friend. even without the couple things, even before i started to see you differently, there's still so much more good memories with you...
and it's too much for me to let go without asking you what you think."
she sighed, feeling the tears come. no crying. she promised.
"sure, it sucks that i'm not your girlfriend anymore, but there's so many ways to love you—trust me, i know."
there was a pause where he processed her words before his face twisted into something she had never seen on him before. for a second, she thought she said something horrible. he looked at her as though she had said something she never should have.
but it was gone as quick as it had come, replaced with indifference. and coldness. he was angry—not at her, but at himself. at everything in general.
he lied with his whole chest.
"you don't mean anything to me. did you really think out relationship was serious? get out of my apartment."
his words were like knives hitting their target. her expression fell immediately, and for a moment, he thought he was going to take it back.
maybe if you listen carefully, you would be able to hear her heart shatter in her chest. ryujin wordlessly nodded and quickly turned away, the tears threatening to fall. when the door closed behind her, she let them, wiping them away as she walked
he let her. he let her walk out of his life as she walked out the front door. if he was told that he drove her away, they wouldn't be wrong. beomgyu was aware that this was his fault.
but he'd rather watch her leave than have her stay as only a friend—still close enough to be reminded that it used to be something more.
and that something more was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
