Loud

Chapter 15

Thout a double update would be nice! Hope you liked the last chapter, anyway enjoy xo

Harrys POV

Safe. I feel safe in the confinement of four walls, the four walls of my home and as I open the door to my home after 18 days I feel safe. Silence engulfs me because she isn’t here, where is my beautiful Andy? And it hits me that she might be with blue eyes and blonde hair but I’m home so I feel safe.

I stand in the shower and let the water wash over me as if it going to wash away the guilt and pity in that is resting on the inside of my skin for a girl who isn’t even here but I am so she should be here. God am I selfish but she’s in love and so am I and I’m not out to get her or to make her hate me, I’m just to in love to know how to deal with it.

My beautiful Andy deserves the world at her hands and deserves to everything she ever wanted. She’s so sad and dull and I wish so hard that she would have some life in her eyes, that she would smile to heavens and really mean it, to hear a genuine laugh and to love without pain but our love isn’t really simple, we don’t have a simple love.

I stand over the sink and try to scrub out the lipstick stain that hasn’t fucking come out yet but no matter how hard I try the stain just won’t fucking come out so I throw in the hot water and kick the bench and throw a glass plate and punch a wall and I know it isn’t because of the shirt with a stain that won’t come out but because I’m home and she isn’t even here.

I’m left panting in the middle of the kitchen with a shirt that has a lip stain that won’t fucking come out and my beautiful Andy isn’t home and I’m mad, so mad but I feel safe because I’m home. I hear the front door open and I hold my breathe because I hear the familiar sound of her keys rattling in her hand and I can hear her footsteps as she makes her way to the kitchen and I wait, just wait to see the beautiful girl that’s only been in my dreams for the past 18 days to walk through those doors. She walks through with her head down, come on baby look up at me. She looks up and my breathe is taken away because how could I forget how beautiful she really is, my dreams and imagination didn’t do her any justice “Andy” and I can see her breathe stop and she just stares “Harry” her voice so fragile and angelic but all the same beautiful because how could she not have a beautiful voice when the rest of her is just so beautiful.

Andy’s POV

But he’s standing in my kitchen more beautiful then I remember and he’s home and I feel safe. Safe from sadness and loneliness that has completely consumed me from the moment he walked away from me.

He walked away from me and I want to be mad so much, I just want to hit him, to damage him like I am but he’s far too beautiful for that and he isn’t out to get me so  or to purposely hurt me. Blue eyes and blonde hair flash through my mind and for a second I think I’m seeing the brown eyed man in front of me and that maybe I’ve gone fully crazy and he isn’t really there but when he starts to walk towards me  and drops to his knees and wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me tight to his body I can’t help but reach down and run my hand through his curls and I know he’s home, he came home just like I knew he would but Harry 18 days is just far too long.

“I’m so sorry baby, I’m home and I love you so much” Harry says into my waist and I look behind the beautiful man at the sink and see a shirt with a lipstick stain that hasn’t come out so I untangle him from waist and walk over to the sink “You’re doing it all wrong Harry” and I start to properly soak out the lipstick stain that I knew would be there when he got home but doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less “No no Andy just let it go, come on just leave it alone” and I feel him walk up behind me “You have to let it soak before you try to scrub it out and the water isn’t hot enough to help life the stain” and I don’t even hear Harry as my mind is focused on the lip stick stain that still hurts “Let it be Andy” and he tries to wrap his hands around my waist but I push them away and turn around with the soaking shirt in my hand “Come on baby, just leave it be” and I want to hit him because I can’t just leave it be “Go to bed Harry, I need to get this stain out” and his brown eyes stare at my pale face and god do I miss his green eyes, where did they go Harry. He tries to grab the shirt but I rip it away from him “You know I don’t think the stain is coming out, I’ll just throw it away” and I walk towards the trash can that is filled with way to much takeaway food because 18 days was a long time and I really couldn’t find the energy to cook myself anything substantial. Harry comes up behind me and holds me close “No baby, just forget about please” and oh Harry how I wish I could “I can’t” I barely whisper to the boy who finally came home to me, I knew you would be home Harry “I’m so sorry baby, don’t cry you’re far too beautiful to cry” and he kisses the back of head and tears stream out my eyes as if they ever stopped anyway “18 days Harry, 18 fucking days was just too long” and I feel as fall to the floor while I choke on tears and the beautiful boy behind holds me and sighs “I know” and if you fucking knew why would you stay away for so long “Why do you hate me so much” and he stills with his arms around me but I don’t stop crying because it’s the only thing I can come up with that would explain why he would do this.

“Oh baby, I don’t hate you. How could I ever hate you, I love you more then I love myself” and I don’t understand “I’m so selfish but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Sometimes you might think I do things to punish to you, but I swear beautiful girl I’m not out to get you, I just don’t know how to love you” but that’s crazy because how could Harry not know how to love me “I’m a boy” he chuckles before continuing “I don’t know how to do everything, even though I pretend I do” and the voice of the old man from yesterday is heard in my head and he said the same thing so I just have to believe it’s’ true.

“Go to bed Harry” because the man from yesterday doesn’t have his love anymore and I wonder if the boy with green eyes that didn’t have guilt or pity in his heart is gone too, because the man standing in front of me now doesn’t have green eyes anymore, they’re a dark shade of brown and neither of us know why and his heart is filled with guilt and pity when it was once filled with love and hope, so he’s not really the old Harry at all but I’m in love and we work, I swear we work “Will you come to bed with me?” and I sigh and stare at the boy who’s been gone for just too damn long “I’m not weak Harry” and he doesn’t say anything so I do because I’ve been surrounded by silence for far too long “I’m not weak and I think you think you can just leave and then come home and because I’m in love everything will be okay. I missed you Harry, I missed you more than ever before but you left me in the street and came home 18 days later with a lip stick when we both know I don’t wear lip stick and I’m covered in purple marks that were carved into my skin by blue eyes and blonde hair and I miss your fucking green eyes and your heart that isn’t filled with guilt and pity, you know I hate pity. You think just us is enough and that we don’t need a family to be complete but I want a family Harry and I hate how even after everything I’m still too in love to walk away, because goddammit Harry Styles I could never live my life without you but that doesn’t mean I’m weak Harry, so don’t for a second think I’m weak” and after that I’m left panting and staring at the boy who feels safe because he’s home but I wonder if he actually ever truly did come home

“You’re the strongest person I know Andy. You’re stronger than I’ll ever be” and I just want to cry because I miss Harry’s heart that wasn’t filled with guilt and pity.

And he takes my hand we lay in our bed that has felt so empty for so long and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close and I’ve missed his arms and I’ve missed everything about him but I’m not weak, I swear I’m not weak.

“I miss my green eyes too baby, trust me I do” and I cry because I’m in love with a boy with brown eyes and a heart filled with pity and guilt so how could I not.