Loud

Chapter 28

Andy's POV

He looks the same with his curly hair and his brown eyes that I've come to be too used but I've forgotten about the little things and that pains me, like the faded pimple scars that you can only see when you're really close to him and the way his dimples appear when he smiles but he isn't smiling and he looks sad and confused, he's far too beautiful to be sad.

And I realise that it wasn't the right time to come home and he isn't ready and neither am I but he's standing there and I can faintly smell the cologne he's wearing and it's my favourite but he isn't smiling, where is your smile beautiful boy? So I stare for a little bit longer and were still silent but the echo of his voice saying my name lingers in my ears and it's a sound that I missed dearly and I sound that feels foreign and I try to fight it but I can't seem to look away from his beautiful face and I realise in that moment just how much I missed him and it's because of that I turn away and begin to walk down the halls of Niall's apartment building and out the doors and into the London night and chilling air but I welcome it because I saw him and it's been over 365 days.

I walk to a nearby park and I sit down on a bench and just look at park lit up by street lights and the happiness surrounding me of families and friends and I envy how easy it is for them, I would wish for nothing more than for it to be easy. I feel someone sit beside but I don't look up to know who it is, I don't need to because I knew he would follow me, he always did. So we sit in silence for a little while just breathing in and out the cold air.

"It's not fair" and I sigh because he's right "I know Harry" and I can't force myself to look at him because I've worked to damn hard "You broke your promise" and I shake my head "No I didn't Harry" and I hear him shorten his breath's "You said you would be home soon, soon never came" and I finally turn to look at him, to stare at the face I've loved for as long as I can remember or for as long that is relevant to me and I stare into his brown eyes that have just become all too familiar to everyone now "Soon hasn't come yet Harry" and he gets frustrated and stands up and walks away grabbing the roots of his hair which I have come to learn is a new habit of his "You make no sense! It doesn't make any sense, none of it does and it's just not fucking fair!" and I sigh and stand "I'm sorry" and he stares at me, he just stares "You're sorry? That's all you have to say? You leave me in the middle of the night and catch a bus to god knows where and you've been doing god knows what and you couldn't even bother to call, to write letter! It's been over 365 days and you're home but-" and he pauses and lets out a deep breath, I stay silent to let him continue "I don't even know who you are anymore" and it's painful and my heart aches for a boy with a big smile which shows dimples and shirts that reveal too much chest and skinny jeans that moulded to his perfect legs and mostly it aches for green eyes because brown fucking eyes are just too familiar to everyone now "You left me and I was so mad at the world but the only person I should have been mad at was you. You were my entire world and when you left you took that all with you without even looking back. I should have been mad at you but I was too in love." And he's breathing heavily in and out, in and out and I blink as a tear runs down my face because he's right, he's always been right "I needed time to think" I say looking down and I hear him scoff "You were gone for a whole fucking year, don't tell me you needed time to think because it doesn't take that long to think, I hated you for what you did to me that night-" I cut him off "Harry-" but he stops me "I hated you!" and that stops me and he falls silent.

"But then it took me some time to realise you didn't do it to hurt me or to spite me but it didn't make the hurt go away. Nothing made the hurt go away." And now tears are clouding his eyes desperately wanting to spill over and I can see him fighting it but his emotions are too much and silent tears fall down his beautiful face.

He's far too beautiful to be sad.

I walk up to him and I place my hands on the sides of his face and my touch to his skin feels so distant and unfamiliar, I brush away the tears with my thumb and I stare into his beautiful brown eyes "I didn't want you to hurt Harry. It was meant to help, we told ourselves that we worked and we kept putting band aids over wounds that needed time to breathe and heal, we brushed everything under the matt. Lipstick stains and purples marks in my skin weren't normal, they aren't normal" and he closed his eyes and leans his head into my hands then grabs them and pushes me lightly away from him and the rejection hurts and I again think a lot has changed since I left.

He shakes his head "No you don't get to come back and do that" and I stare at him as his beautiful brown eyes cloud with tears "You don't get to come back and do that" I'm still staring at him and it's been over 365 days so I think I'm allowed to "Do what?" and he sighs "Come back and act like it's okay, that's not how it works. You don't just get to do that" he wipes his eyes but I stay silent and he takes that as a sign to continue "365 days was just far too long" and I sigh because that used to be my line "I know" and we just stare and stay silent because what else is there to say "Can I ask you something" and I swallow a lump in my throat and nod "Was it worth it?" and I look at him because I don't know, so much has changed since I left over 365 days ago so I say "Sometimes you need to take away the things you love most and let them be free for a while but when two people really love each other, eventually they find their way back" I let out a breath and he stares at me with beautiful brown eyes "But what if we never find our way back" and he looks at me with a pained expression but maybe right now isn't our time so I smile sadly at him and dab the corner of my eye as a tear escapes

"Were Harry and Andy so how could we not".