Loud

Chapter 53

Okay but pillowtalk is my shit, enjoy fam xx

Sam's POV

I have a high appreciation for an epic love. A love that is seen in movies or written in books but an epic love that happens right in front of your eyes is truly mesmerising.

I have a high appreciation for fine art. The kind of art that makes you look a little longer and makes your heart become attached to the specific details.

Harry is art.

Harry is an epic love.

Everyone thinks I don't appreciate Andy and Harry's love story but I do, like I said I have an appreciation for an epic love. But just like art it becomes a thing of the past, it has a time where it isn't like it used to be, maybe that time makes it stronger, more valuable or perhaps it makes it show us how some things just don't always turn out the way you want them too.

"Sam? Hello earth to Sam" I turn my head and see Gemma staring at me, obviously just said something I didn't hear because my mind isn't here right now, I look past her and at Meagan who smiles at me "For someone on their wedding day, you don't seem to look very excited"

I genuinely appreciate their love story, I do.

"I need to ask you something and please be honest with me" Meagan looks at me expectantly and Gemma looks at me like she already knows what im going to ask "I don't care if I'm getting married today, I need to be certain that he really wants this, that he won't leave tomorrow or next week, month, even in a few years, I need him to want this forever" she looks pitiful at me "So please tell me, does he want this or is he just settling"

She looks at Meagan and then back to me "If there's one thing I know about my brother and the way he feels it's that he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to. He doesn't just love someone for the sake of loving them, he needs a reason and he loves with his entire heart, guess that's his downfall sometimes but if you really are unsure then go ask him" I cut her of "I have and he tells me he loves me and he'll kiss me and that's it, I don't know about you but that doesn't sound like a very sure thing"

Gemma just sighs and tells me she doesn't know what she can do to help and Meagan just sits quietly and go back to thinking about a wedding taking place in 2 hours and how I beg he gets himself together and Niall is helping him remember his vows which I am going over in my at least 100 times.

I have a theory that it's not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages and Harry and I have never been friends have we. We met and he had a dog and he was so undeniably sad and he had an Irish best friend and they were both in love with the same person yet they were playing with a dog and they are best friends, I never quite got that but I really did like it.

I feel like in a way I am being betrayed, our story; Harry and mine it goes like this, someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly while the other just lets things go on their own letting it go and Harry knows this.

Women marry men with the hope they will change, that If they put this 'permanent' title on them, they will change what has always occurred for them but what women don't realise is that when you're marrying someone you aren't meant to change anything about them, you're marrying them for that exact reason; because they are exactly who they are.

I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier, living a life with someone who settled. Do you know what it means to come home at night to a cold house that is yours with the man you love and a dog that wants attention always and feel little love, it means I'm in the wrong house that's what it means.

Did we ruined each other by being together? Did we destroyed each other's dreams? Is his dream to stand at the end of that aisle and watch me walk down with a tear in his eye from happiness and recite his vows to me and kiss me when 'you may now kiss the bride' and laugh and smile as we run back down the aisle just ready to start our married life together, what is his dream?

Love is an act of endless forgiveness; a tender look which becomes a habit, Harry has become y constant habit and without him, I feel a constant headache and an ache in my body and that's when I know Im selfish.

That's when I know I would rather come home to the wrong house then an empty one.

"2 hours, 2 hours till I'm getting married"