Loud

Chapter 55

Harry's POV

*I breathe in and out, let the memories flash through my mind as I knock, three times I knock*

I don't turn around, my heart can already tell it's her and when her face appears the in the reflection of the mirror in front of me and my heart flutters and feels for her.

We stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that meant everything and the look she must have seen in my eyes made her smile that kind of smile that picks you up after a bad day when you just want to be held and stroked and made to feel safe.

If I was brave enough I probably would have said something first but what both of us knew I could never so she just does what she does best "You look handsome" and her eyes speak with truth and her voice is strong; different from how I remembered it.

So she speaks with such confidence and strength that my heart flutters "I want to ask you to run away with me, to drop this wedding and live a life with only you and me; of course we would have to bring Niall and Meagan but everyone else and everything else can just disappear"

And I still haven't spoken

"But you won't do that because you're Harry and Harry cares about everyone and he could never leave someone he loves at the alter and how fucking selfish of me to even be standing here telling you things I should have told you months ago. I should walk out right now and let you make those vows and commit to a life that you would probably be happy in but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try, I just want to try"

There is an inner battle within myself and I know she can see it on my face and in my mind; she's just been really good at reading me like that. The voice in my head is screaming at me to say something but my heart is still making up its mind

Let go.

I don't want to.

Won't letting go be just that - letting go?

Giving up? Admitting failure? Admitting that it is really, truly over?

But the on the other hand there could be a whole future ahead of us, we have so much history that could it really be over at this moment, the finale moment before I say words sworn on the lord and onto the heart of the woman I sleep next to every night.

"Do you remember when we would sit on our building roof and even if there was silence there was still so much being said just by the way our eyes danced for each other and you would smile at me and just laugh lightly and I wondered what you could possibly be laughing at and how I ended up with someone who I was completely convinced was an angel"

My mouth is saying things that my head can't keep up with but the words flow like words on a page of her favourite book

"There are moments that define a person's whole life. Moments in which everything they are and everything they may possibly become hinge on a single decision and you're my single decision. I waited for, I sat by and waited but the thing is Andy and something I figured out the hard way is that the world doesn't wait with you. It pities you and feels sorry for you but it doesn't stop, and then came Sam."

A tear drops down her cheek and I wash her quickly push it away trying to act as if I never saw it fall but I did, even still I don't take a step forward to wipe it away, I stay still.

"Sam came out of nowhere and I think the world was telling me, 'hey I know life's pretty shitty but there's more out there for you if you just stopped waiting and started living again' she was a gift, I needed her and now she needs me. Remember what that's like Andy, needing each other? Decisions about who to love are more intense versions of the sorts of decisions we make throughout our life, living is an inherently emotional business that. I want to live the rest of my life with so much certainty that I won't have to be left wondering if I'll wake up alone or if I have to spend another year alone but I can't put all that blame on you can I, I forced you to leave, I drove you away and that led me to Sam, what do they call that? Fate?"

She looks strong and tall standing there, having pushed her pride to the back and so vulnerable yet you wouldn't know it if you didn't know her but I know her too well I think.

"What would you do if you weren't afraid? That's your answer. That's your side, Harry stop being afraid of the future, you taught me that, think about the now, and think about what you want right in this very second."

I'm torn.

"I don't want to make the wrong choice"

And she just kind of smiles at me "Oh you sweet beautiful man, you could never but I can't help you make this decision, it needs to come from the deepest parts of you, the parts that make your flutter at the sight of her, that makes you wish for more time and makes you want to do nothing else but be in the moment with her"

I learnt a lot of things in life from school and from family, from simply just growing up but no one ever taught me how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. I realised in this exact moment in time, I never learnt anything that was truly worthwhile.

"I'm looking at you," he said, "and you're asking me if I still want you as if you truly believe I don't. Andy you know since the moment I laid eyes on I belonged completely to you, when I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. We loved with a love that was more than love and till the day I take my last breath I will never utter a bad word of you. You're more myself then I am"

She looks down as tears fill her eyes and I can feel her heart breaking right in front of me and so I do the only thing I know how to do, I hold her in my arms, for the last time perhaps but she lets me, just like I knew she would and she holds me tighter than she ever has and she shakes with sadness and I can feel the water build up in my own eyes and I want more than anything to stop the pain but what she needs from me I can no longer giver her.

"I love you more than I hate everything else.

I love you.

You are beautiful.

Please forgive me."

She doesn't let go, she only held tighter, it was a hug that lasted eternity and that everything that happened over these years was worth something and meant something. You claimed a special place in my heart, one I'll carry with me forever and that no one can ever replace. In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.

"I'm not blaming you for falling in love with another woman, how I could possibly do that when you gave me so much to look forward to" Still in my arms she looks up at me "If this is what loving someone is like then I want to do it over and over again" I smile down at her and she gives me only the greatest smile she can give and I feel my heart flutter at the sight but that's all, it flutters and then it doesn't "You won't ever stop loving me will you Andy?" and I asked only because I knew I never could "Till the day I die Harry Styles, I will love you" and we kiss.

A kiss that was long awaited, a kiss that you read about in a tale about two lovers, a kiss that made all the lonely people in the world jealous, a kiss that can be felt hundreds of miles away and still blow you away. Her lips are stained with tears and I kiss them all away, she tastes of faint familiarity but most of all I feel through her the love she will hold for me and I hope and pray the she can only one day find someone who is deserving of that love.

Who knows, maybe in time that will be me again, after all, we are Harry and Andy.

No one's POV

Letting him marry a girl she knew he loved so it eased her heart but it did little to stop the pain that coursed through her body and she knew he could feel that pain because once you've been in love the way Harry and Andy were, you're hearts become tied together.

Andy pictured Harry happy and her just as happy. She almost smiled at the thought of it, then closed her eyes and tried to imagine nothing more.

He let her go. She took a step back, taking in his face one last time. His green eyes.

The End