Closer 2

164.

Brett laid his head back on his pillow, trying to let his mind empty. Elise hadn't really put up a fight tonight, but the quiet crying wasn't any better. The kind of crying you do when you're worried you'll get yelled at for crying. He knew that kind from when he had spent a week at his uncle's house one summer as a kid. Brett also remembered refusing to go back there the next summer because he was scared.

Was his daughter scared of him?

He didn't have time to continue that thought before Eddy entered the room and pulled him out of the train wreck that made up his thoughts.

"Aiden was a bit fussy tonight," Eddy said softly, sitting down on the bed. "I hope he calms down tomorrow so mom won't be exhausted."

"I'm sure he will," Brett sighed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. "He loves his grandma."

Eddy turned to look at Brett when he heard his tone. It sounded off, defeated in a way.
"You okay baby?" he asked softly, reaching out to stroke his leg.

"I'm not, no," Brett sighed, shaking his head. "But I don't really know how to explain what's wrong."

"Maybe you can do one of the thought charts you did sometimes in your notebook?" Eddy suggested softly. "Might help to figure it out."

His notebook. The one their therapist, who they hadn't seen in too long now, had given him. The blue one. He was supposed to write what he was feeling in that to be more aware of the reason behind his thoughts, but he honestly hadn't touched it in forever.

The last time had been about how they had passed through March, practically missing both their birthdays. His 30th birthday.

Their subscribers had remembered, though, despite their less frequent uploads. A group had formed an online orchestra playing and singing "happy birthday" and they had eaten cake on an episode of Lingling40hrs. Mostly a gimmick, and Brett had felt terrible about himself after. Stupid sugary cake.

"Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, love," Brett said, reaching for the notebook on his night stand. He needed to be better at using it, because it had actually been really helpful for figuring things out, or at least figuring out a way to cope.

...

"You feeling okay for Elise's birthday tomorrow, then?" Ray asked softly, stroking May's back carefully. He had tried to pull her up to lie on top of him like she used to, but she refused so instead he had laid on his side with her snuggled up close.

"I'll just have to," May sighed, burying her face more in Ray's chest. Today had been another crappy day trying to practice that stupid jump. She had almost landed it today, but if course she had placed her foot wrong. It wasn't too badly hurt, just a bit painful to walk.

"You don't have to if you don't feel well, but I think it's gonna be good," Ray said softly, kissing her forehead. "I have to go with the cake anyway, though. I'm picking it up while they're out with her. Chocolate cake."

"Don't let me have any chocolate cake. I've had way too much the past weeks anyway," May mumbled quietly. "It's not good for my figure."

"What? Your figure is amazing," Ray hummed, shaking his head. He ran a hand down her side. "I love your figure."

"It's not like it's bad or terribly ugly, but I've gained weight and it's putting my balance off while dancing. So either I lose a bit or I gotta retrain my entire balance," May explained quietly. "Just look, it's just..."

May shifted back, pulling her shirt up to show him the little pouch of fat that had built up om her stomach. She pressed her fingers into it slightly.

Ray ran his thumb over what she perceived to be fat. It honestly just looked like she had eaten too much for one meal and that her belly was sticking out, but it was soft to the touch which indicated she was right about it being fat.

"I think it's cute," Ray said, shifting down to press a kiss to the little pouch.

"Kind of looks like I'm pregnant," May sighed, running his habd through Ray's hair.

He looked up at her, raising an eyebrow in 'maybe..??' kind of gesture.

"I'm not, though. I've had my period every month. You know I had it only a week ago," May said, shaking her head. "It can't be that. Besides, we use condoms AND birth control anyway."

"I guess you're right," Ray said softly, shifting himself back up to place a kiss on her forehead. "I guess it's just the cake, then. And I suppose we've had a bit of snacks with our cuddles and movies."