Just Listen

Big Finale

How much better can it get?

-My boyfriend broke up with me

-my good friend is "forbidden" from talking to me

-my grades are horrible

I can't do anything right! Everything I do I always find a way to mess it the fuck up. When will Karma stop being a fucking bitch?? What did I do to deserve this lifestyle?

Dylan broke up with me, yes the Just Listen power couple is dead. Dizzy is dead. It's all gone, no more. Idk why. At first, I was fine. But it started ticking me off. I don't know how I feel. Maybe it's for the best? Maybe he has feelings for someone else, I should just accept that. I miss him. If I go out with him everyone will hate him. That's why he's cautious. Very cautious.

I don't blame him, if I was dating an ugly girl with no life I'd be cautious too. Having a love life is complicated when your me. There's very little I can do and much I cannot do. Example

Do's:

-date someone who's lowkey

-be affectionate

-love him no matter what

-be loyal

Dont's:

-tell ppl about your relationship

-date someone who has a lot of ppl who U have problems with as fiends

-love someone who doesn't love you

-get too attached to a boy

-over react about a break up

-cry over a boy for more than 2 months

Anyways, Dylan and I are done. End of story no more. There's nothing else I can say, my heart is no longer alive. I am officially heartless.

As for the good friend. We all know what happens when the boyfriend doesn't like someone. Unfortunate that special someone ending up being me, hooray... Tell me why I'm so horrible?? Am I that infectious? Just an assumption... I try too hard to make ppl happy. I don't need to, but I do it anyways because I give a shit about people sometimes, shocker I know.

I might just close off all friend contacts but a few. I feel better isolated. Being alone isn't great but when your me, it's the next best thing. Sometimes when I'm alone I do a couple of things as a therapy session:

Writing- I have 10 different diaries and journals full of shit and crap from when I was 9-11. Mostly about boys who I thought I loved and things I thought were important. I have one journal no one knows about. A journal so secret finding it is like finding buried treasure. I rarely take it out, you know how God damn noisy people are?? I use it at home, to write down every little detail of a big event.

Wattpad: when in doubt use wattpad. When I'm alone I'm almost always on Wattpad. All I do is re-read my book and check out others. Who doesn't love a good romance novel when your single, knowing it will never happen to you. Wattpad is my release, the only way I can contact with the world

Daydreaming: I drift off into space A LOT!!!! Sometimes I'll think about times I spent with dylan or an event in the future. Daydreaming is one of the best things that happens to me. I loose control of my body and my eyes and brain become the controllers. I never blink when I daydream it brings me back to life and ruins the moment. I usually daydream for about 1-5 minutes very half an hour. It's not often but it's exciting once it hits.

Maybe it's best I isolate myself. No one wants to talk to me right now anyways, no less thing to worry about. I gotta go

Happy Birthday Dylan, bye....