Just Listen

Change

Change is one of the things I've tried to do since I started this book. And I did change, but I changed into something worse. People say change is good but welcome to reality. Change is not always good. I'd love to change for the best, but you see, I don't know how.

If I change, people will start questioning me on my new personality and what I did to change and why I'm acting weird. It still keeps me in shock because you ask me to change, then when I change you JUDGE me about how I changed. What's the point of me changing at all .-.

I mean it's not like I gave up on changing, I just.. put it on pause. For a long while. The reasons I try and change is to make people happy. I feel like if I change then people will start thinking good of me. People have rarely thought "good" of me. It's like the good in Isabella is lost. Good?? Where are you? Hello??!!! Good where are you??? It's not here -_-. The only way to fix that is to change. How? I haven't figured that out yet.

I think I should first of all forget about dating, which I should have, A LONG TIME AGO BEFORE ALL THIS SHIT. That's obviously gonna take "some" time.... *cough cough*. I'm serious now, I really need to be a better person. I already lost everyone I care about. I don't want to loose myself.

I know what your thinking shitty short chapter for changing. Don't blame me. I have a lot of things to fix right now. And you know it. The real thing is I just need to think. For me it takes a while because I overthink everything. Probably one of the many reasons I have a problem keeping a decent relationship. But I'm changing, at least I hope so.

I mostly want to change because it's ruined my life. I have no one to talk to about anything. All people know me as is this B average slut who hooks up with every dude she can steal from people. It's actually been said to me before. They said these exact words:

Tbh: you kinda act like a slut... I mean u kinda are acting like ANDY is yours when like we have been talkinh since March and we kinda have a thing but he lives to far so we r not dating..... But u kinda take every boy away from ppl but I luv u plz don't hate me plzzzzzz 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

Nice right.... wondering who the hell is Andy? Other mistake I made in my wonderful life of me. I don't really wanna talk about Andy. Everyone found out what I did with him and it ruined me forever... my parents found out too. I guess I am a slut.

And I guess now it's safe to say:

Time for a change.