Sanctuary [Poetry]

...

I didn't intend to romanticized death but...people wouldn't understand. Death, for me, isn't just a finale event of life where you lose your last breath along with all the memories you lived as being you. Death, is a being, an entity. He's...I don't know.

I started fascinating Death when I was fifteen, it was when my pet cat died when I played a prank on it by putting poison in its food. I don't know if it's an imagination or what, but, way back then, I saw a smoke of black coming closer on my pet, like it was moving on its own. Slowly it formed a shape like human. It's not holding anything like a scythe. For a moment, the smoke stood there for a second, in a snap I saw it eyes and right then I knew it was alive— I know he's Death.

He took my cat away, although the physical body was left beside me. I didn't mourn for my pet, instead, I was left thinking that maybe the cat was already safe in his hands.

By then, I knew I was having a little crush to Death. So, I started killing. I only started with animals— from strayed cats, to dogs, and rats, and anything I can found. Every time I'd get to kill something, Death would come in disguised of a smoke. He would linger a little longer to stare at me, before taking my victims' soul.

Every time I see him, it will make me extremely happy, like I suddenly had a big jungle in my stomach. I couldn't stop it, but I'm not complaining anyway.

My little crush soon grew into infatuation, until I realized I was falling in love with him. I don't know anything about Death aside from he took souls of dead beings. I loved him just like that, no matter what he looks like, even if we only have a very limited moment to be together. I loved the staring even if it only last for good seconds. By that, I was simply overjoyed.

But still, I craved for him more. I thought maybe killing animals isn't enough. So, when I reached eighteen, I got my first real killing— my parents. It was easy, they didn't know my plan. I didn't ask for a debut celebration but an intimate gathering just between them. That's when I killed my mother and father. I kinda felt lonely knowing I'll never get to see them after, but a part of me was in relief because I know they'll be somewhere safe. A seconds later, I saw Death. It sent a rush feeling in my heart, I actually thought I've been blushing since I felt my cheeks burning. Again, he stopped, and stared, this time a little bit longer. I was counting inside my head. His eyes linger on me for one minute before gathering my parents' soul. That was the longest time he stayed. I smiled and thought, maybe, I have to kill some more.

I killed, and killed, and killed. Every time that I will kill, Death will come and my heart would rejoice in happiness. I'm loving him more and more and more. But one day, I found killing humans not enough. I want him to stay for more than a minute. I want to be able to talk to him, touch him, be with him. An idea came into my mind.

What if I kill...myself?
That gave me excitement. Maybe if I do that, I'll finally get to see him the longest because he would get me. I could only offer my soul to him and no one else. He deserve it.Without hesitation, I took my favorite knife. It's always been special, it's the exact knife that I used to kill my parents. Since then, I've been taking care of it, knowing it'll be useful someday.

And that day, is today.
I was smiling from ear to ear, aiming its edge on my chest. I didn't close my eyes when I stabbed my heart. It hurts, it deeply hurts. It's a burning sensation like my body's on fire but I didn't mind. I'd get to see him. Death, I'll get to see him!
I started gasping for air. It's starting to get hard breathing, but I can tolerate it. My whole body feeling numb, my strength leaving me. My vision started to get blurry but I didn't dare closing my eyes. A few moments later, a familiar smoke started to appear. I can't help but smile. He started to appear more clearly. He didn't look like human, although he's been shaped like one. Nevertheless, he still looked gorgeous to me, I didn't love him less.
He stood still, staring at me. "What did you do?"
I was beyond happy when I heard his voice. It was deep and beautiful. I can't help but shed a tear just for that. I waited for years just to hear it! I didn't regret this moment.
I can't answer him for I was too weak to speak but it doesn't matter. He's here. He's here. I'm in love with you, that's what I wanted to say. He nodded like he can read my mind. I love you, I wanted to say it out loud. I love you, Death.
He smiled, showing his teeth, it all looked like fangs, but still, I didn't mind. He's beautiful. He's always been.
"Humans hate me."
I know, that's why I hate them. But I killed them for you. It's a win-win for me. I'd get to see you, and they'll get to know that you're kind.
My vision started getting dark. I don't want to lose my sight on him yet. I tried to grab him but all I felt was the coldness of my room. But, nevermind, I'll get to see him a few moments later.
"I'll take you now."
This wasn't anyone's typical love, but who cares? My one final breath, I end it with his name. Maybe Death isn't his real name, but I'll ask about it later. Finally, finally...