Sanctuary [Poetry]

04-16-2021

Perhaps I lost all the words and here I am, unable to make a poetry out of you. I kept typing and then delete, and then type again, it just keep on repeating. I just... don't know what to say.

Maybe I just want to express myself, or maybe there's something I'd like you to know, without you realizing that this one's for you.
If you stumble upon this one, I hope it will make you smile. I hope it will makes you remember all those days we've been together and not those times I decided to just hide, and then watch you from afar.
I'm hoping for a lot of things for you to feel except for sadness. What I'm trying to say is, it's fine if this words won't make you smile, or happy—it's okay if you get mad, if you feel like wanting to end me.
It's really fine.
After all, I don't deserve to be with you, as much as you don't deserve to be stuck with someone unhelpful like me.
I will just drag you down because unconsciously I was trying to dig a grave for you. I want you to live, and yet, being with me will just make you think more of the end.
And I'd hate that.
I'd rather let you go.
I just hope this time, you're not thinking about dying, that this time, even if depression visits you every single time, even if anxiety is trying to keep you from doing what you want—heck, even if the world turns against you—you'll still live and say to yourself that you can and you will live.
That you will grow old, and you will experience the joy of life than you'll ever know.
I hope when you think of dying, you'll think of it as something you're not ready to face yet.And for the last time, I hope you already forgotten me.
With love,Death