Baby, Baby, Baby

Five

Amanda Pov

So we were home, Sammy was still tired from not sleeping the night before, also the shock of why Sammy's nightmares had been the exact same for 5 nights, and how I couldn't ever tell Danny the whole fucking truth as he would just want to try and change the future, (when that could makes things so much worse if you don't know what you're doing).

Sammy was just sat on the couch, she looked so tired, well that could've been because I knew she was tired, (the constant nightmares won't help her with getting sleep though), but she wasn't going to tell anyone that she was tired, (I dunno why, just seems like something that 5 year olds do for some reason).

"You feeling ok Baby?"
"Yeah Momma, I ok"
"You're sure that you don't want a nap?"
"No, I don't wanna a nap"
"Ok Baby, that's ok, do you want to talk?"
"But it's just the same thing as last night though Momma"
"I know Darling, but bottling up all your feelings inside you isn't good for you"
"How'd you know that Momma?"
"I learned that the hard way Bubba"
"When will it go away?"
"It'll go away soon Darling, I promise"
"Ok Momma"

Did I feel like I was lying through my bloody teeth?, yes, yes I did, but I also couldn't tell Sammy that impending doom was about to come over us all as a family, (because she deserves to actually be a kid), so I just didn't tell her, (and yeah maybe she might hate me for it later on, but that was a risk that I'm willing to take for her here).

Anyway, the rest of the day seemed to just disappear into a lull, even when Danny came in it didn't seem to help the the slump, (which might make sense given the news but I didn't cop that at the time here), I feel like Danny copped something was up, (though he could read me like an open book), but he didn't say anything about it to me at the time.

I tucked Sammy into bed, silently praying to a God that I don't believe in that she comes out of this whole fucking mess as unscathed as humanly possible, but I guess thinking about one's mortality does that to you, (or I'm slightly morbid here, but who knows), I then go back downstairs and Danny looked like he wanted to ask me a million questions, (though I couldn't blame him as I wasn't acting like I would've done normally here).

"You seem off Babe, are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm okay"
"Do you lie often?"
"Why do think that then?"
"You haven't seemed this off since you thought you saw your mother"

Yeah he knows me so fucking well that it's hard to hide the whole death prediction thing from him, but I couldn't tell him anything about what Aunt Dotty predicted for me, as I couldn't risk him changing the future for the worse, I didn't need that mess on top of dealing with dying sooner than expected here, so I told him a sort of truth.

"Well, while Sammy was actually with therapist, I was just thinking, which is never a good thing I know, but I came to the conclusion that my mother probably wouldn't have cared enough about me to even think about therapy"
"You really shouldn't be alone with your thoughts for too long"
"I've been saying this for yonks Babe"

Yeah I don't do very well with serious situations and shit, (though my childhood probably didn't help me here), and I know that bottling everything up is not the healthiest way to cope with shit, but it's the only option I got and it's the only way that I know how to deal with my own bloody issues.

"Do you need therapy?"
"Probably, but I can't exactly go and say 'Yeah I can only talk about certain things to you for safety reasons', as that defeats the purpose of therapy"
"When you put it like that, you make sense"
"I bloody well hope so, it's pretty logical for me here"

Yes, Danny sort of knows that I don't go by my birth given name for safety reasons, but he doesn't know what those reasons are specifically, just that it's not safe for me to go by my birth name, you could ask me why I can sort of tell him about the name safety thing and not anything about the death prediction, but he's not going to try and change my name back, but he would totally try and change the fact that I die, and I don't want to open that can of worms, especially when it involves Sammy, I'm not risking it.