Baby, Baby, Baby

Ten

Amanda Pov

I drove to Toby's house while Sammy was in school, as I needed advice on how I should move forward with the information that I have, because he is level headed and I would not have made it this far without Gary finding me, (plus I would've missed him way too fucking much to leave him behind).

"Hey Kiddo, you doing ok?"
"I need advice"
"Is this about the thing your Aunt Dotty predicted about you?"
"Yeah"
"Come in"

So I went inside Toby's house and he made me tea, like he had always done, and it was almost like nothing was even wrong, even though everything felt like it was crumbling down on top of me and I couldn't breathe without it feeling heavy and calculated, (yes, I'm a walking contradiction Darling, it's just what it is though).

"So what's going on in that head of yours?"
"I don't know what to do"
"You seemed to know before"
"Yeah well that was before I found out that this whole fucking thing is a bloody curse that my mother created"
"Well shit, that does kinda changes things, how did you find that out?"
"I called Niamh and she said that it was a curse"
"How did-"
"She found me because of your bloody billboard Daddyo"
"(Snorts), Of course she did, (sighs), I don't think that you can do much about a curse that your mother created, why did she even create it?"
"Well it wasn't one that she created on purpose, it was from trying to save my Dad from his death"

That bombshell really took Toby out for the jump, (because I never really seriously talked about my bio Dad as he was dead by the time I was 3), but I knew that I was gonna shock him even more once I told him about the requirements of the curse, (he was never a fan of my mother, for obvious reasons I suppose).

"Jesus Christ Clara, what else can go wrong because of her!"
"The requirement for the curse is that she's involved somehow with the handout of the curse, which has to mean that Gary finds me-"
"No, not necessarily, her part could already been done"
"The fuck do you mean Toby?!"
"Like you could die from internal bleeding from all the beatings that Gary gave ya as a kid or the fact that she didn't protect you from Gary so you moved to New Jersey and then an accident happens in New Jersey-"
"Alright I do get your point Toby, but I'm still really fucking worried here"
"Of course you are Darling, that's natural after finding out about a family curse, especially because it has to involve that sorry excuse of a human that is your mother"

I still felt awful that I was just dumping all this shit onto Toby, but he's my Dad, (even if it's illegally legally my Dad, but that's not the point here), and I didn't have anyone else to turn to with all of this shit, so the only option I had that didn't involve a horrendous phone bill was Toby, so he was my only viable option, (maybe I should've gone back to work after Sammy was born so that I'd have my own money coming in, but that didn't feel right at the time, ya know).

"Toby"
"Yeah Darling"
"When I go, look after Danny for me"
"Will he want me to?"
"I don't know if he will but I know that he'll be too busy making sure that Sammy's ok to ever look after himself properly"
"Ok Darling, I will, I promise"
"Thank you"
"You don't have to thank me, I'm your Dad, it's what I do"
"I know that it's what ya do, but you didn't have to be my Dad and yet you still decided to be my Dad"
"You would've died had I not done so"
"Yes I would've done, that doesn't mean that you had to be my Dad"
"True, but 5 year old Clara was the cutest little thing and she still has my heart in a chokehold here"
"That's good to know Daddyo"
"Don't use that against me"
"No promises"

We sat there without talking much for a few minutes, as I think that we both needed the time to process what was going on in my life, (but don't quote me on that as I don't always see social cues ok, sue me), I eventually broke the silence.

"I know that you know that I love you Toby, but I don't think that I actually tell you that enough"
"That comes from being a foster care kid for as long as we were without an apology from our parents"
"It doesn't mean that it doesn't suck"
"Oh no it totally fucking sucks"