Baby, Baby, Baby

Seventeen

Amanda Pov

I got home from Toby's, Sammy was in bed by the time I got home and Danny was on the couch looking like death had knocked on our door, which worried me because I hadn't told him yet and I wanted to handle it delicately.

"Hey Babe"
"The phone rang while you were at Terry's"
"Who was it?"
"It was the Doctor looking for you to talk to you about treatment"
"Fucks sake, I told her I wasn't doing treatment"

A can of worms was about to be opened and all hell was going to break loose, because of course the doctors beat me in telling my husband even though it was the fucking day before that they even told me, (but that was a whole ordeal that I genuinely don't want to get into right now).

"Why didn't you tell me that you have brain cancer?"
"Because I was only told by the doctor about it yesterday Daniel, I didn't have a secret appointment beforehand that you didn't know about before yesterday, and after they scanned me I told them I wasn't doing treatment, so there was no point in telling you about it"
"You're not doing treatment?"
"No I'm not doing treatment"

I know that there was going to be lots of questions from Danny, but I wasn't going to change my mind even though I don't want to die, (yes I knew that I was going to die, but that didn't mean that I wanted to die).

"Why not?!"
"Because I'm dying either way and I want to die on my terms!"
"You can't just decide that Mandy!"
"Yes I can!, it's my fucking body!, it's not like I'm choosing death over life!, I'm just choosing to die my way as they can't remove the cancer from my brain because it's too risky!, they did suggest chemo but that just prolongs the fucking inevitable!"
"It's still more time Mandy!"
"Yeah?!, let's say that I do actually do treatment!, how the fuck are you supposed to pay the medical bills and the fucking mortgage Daniel?!"
"That's not your worry-!"
"Of course it is!, you're my husband!, it's not fair to you to have try and pay both!"
"I would do that if it meant that I still have you!"
"I know you would, fuck! I know that!, but you will be paying that debt off for the rest of your life and I can't do that to you!"

Danny was not getting that they could do nothing for me, and I wasn't going to tell him about what my Aunt Dotty predicted, mostly because it was almost 2 years prior at this point, but also because he'd think that I was off my fucking rocker, (though sometimes I feel like I actually am off my rocker here), also it's probably the last thing that would've actually stopped us from arguing, (though considering what we were arguing about, there probably wasn't anything that could stop us arguing).

"It would be better than you dropping dead Mandy!"
"I would still drop dead if I took treatment Daniel!, because it's fucking brain cancer!, there's literally no fucking coming back from that!, I'm fucking dead regardless!"

The words came out sharper than knifes and that wasn't how I wanted to say it, but he just wasn't getting that I was a dead girl walking, it didn't help that I had been hiding the fact that I was going to die from Danny for the last two years and that just bubbled out.

"What about Sammy?!-"
"You have no Fucking! Right! to use Sammy against me Daniel!, how do you think it makes me feel that I'm going to die and miss everything!, I don't want to fucking die!, but I have no choice!, I'm going to fucking die wether I want to or not, so I'm dying on my own fucking terms!, Fuck you Daniel!"

I slammed the front door and walked to my car, only to realise that I had in fact forgotten to bring my car keys back out with me as I was so angry, so I had to go back inside to grab my keys, just hoping that a drive around would clear my head, but before I could even grab them, Danny grabbed them, (no, I still don't know what his exact reasoning was behind this).

"Danny give me my keys!"
"No"
"Danny- Daniel give me my fucking keys!"
"No"
"The fuck!! do you think that this is gonna get you?!"
"I don't know, but I don't think that you driving is a good idea right now"
"Danny I just need to clear my head!, what's so fucking bad about that?!"
"Mandy I'm still not giving you your keys"
"Fine!, you're sleeping on the fucking couch tonight!"