The Outcasts [Discontinued Version]

Chapter Twenty

I stared into the mirror in hatred. Yes, I'm hogging the bathroom. And yes, I'm not leaving until Nathan goes away. I feel like such a fucking teenager.. Well, I am twenty... Though a lot of people think I'm around twenty six, that's only because I legally changed my birthdate.. Fuck, no. I'm not thinking about that...

"Ray, are you coming out?" I hear Jake ask outside.

"Is Nathan gone?" I respond.

"No."

"Then, no."

"Come on, Ray. Stop being a sixteen year old," he complained.

"I am not a sixteen year old. I'm ten years older, in fact." I said.

"Well, your acting like it. But don't worry, the first leg of this will end in two weeks and we'll have a week and a half of rest," he said cheerfully.

"Yeah, your right about that. I'm sorry, I'm just tired. And you know how I feel about Nathan being around.."

"Yeah, but we'll get him to leave.. So, will you come out?"

"Sure, just a second. I'm doing womanly things," I lie.

"Oh, okay."

I sigh when I hear him leave, my hearing is going out of whack. I hate it. I stare at my reflection, my eyes back to their weird blue mix. I've been in here for around an hour.

And yes, Nathan forced me to drink blood again. And yes, the guys don't know. But as soon as Nathan leaves I'm going to tell them, I just don't want Nathan to get the pleasure of seeing the guys being pissed off at him.. And I don't want them to get hurt. You have to understand that, they're my brothers.

I sigh, looking at myself in disappointment before leaving. I'm going to exercise harder as soon as I can, I have to get stronger. Maybe I could invite BVB so that if Nathan finds out he won't get the idea.

I don't want him to know me at all, but I seem to be failing at that.. Not to mention he's stressing me so much that our shows seem to be losing their life.. That can't happen.

Fuck, I just want to punch something. But I can't break the damn mirror..

I walk out and instantly grab a Fireball as soon as I can, not caring if Nathan was there. "You know, alcohol will only quicken the bloodlust," he says.

"You know what, Nathan? You can just shut the fuck up. Nobody cares," I say, taking a long drink from the bottle.

That sentence brought a small flashback without my permission, and it stringed harder than the cinnamon-y taste of my whiskey.. Didn't he drink Fireball, too?

I shake my head, ignoring Nathan's voice and taking out my personal phone. I dialled Austins' phone number, he's my personal security guard. "Hello?" He answered.

"Hey, Aus. Uh, green light," I said as I walked back towards the bunk room, with my whiskey.

"What? But you -"

"I said green light, Austin," I snap, hesitantly whispering, "please."

"Shit, okay. Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can," he says, knowing I never say please unless it's really, really necessary.

"Good." I end the call and take a swig of my Fireball.

"Ray, green light? Again? Really?" Nick said with anger.

"Yeah, Nick. But it's not what you think.. I just need it this once," I say.

"Ray, it's been two and half years! You can't kill your rate now!"

"I'm not killing the rate! I'm not abusing it like I did! I know better, Nick!"

"Abusing what?" Nathan asked.

"This doesn't concern you, you fuck!" Nick yelled.

"Nicholas you need to calm the fuck down! What is this about?" Matt demanded.

"She's going back to green light," Nick accused.

"I'm not going back to it, you asshole!"

"Green light? Ray, come on. It's been so long," Josh sighed.

"I'm not cutting my rate, Josh. I'm not abusing it. I just need it to calm down my thought process, a stupid thought has been bothering me," I explain carefully.

"What's the thought?" Nathan asked.

I glare at him. "You know you won't get that answer, you dick."

"You should thank me, I helped you with your eyes."

"That doesn't mean I owe you, you bastard."

"Ray, please. Just promise us what happened before won't happen again, okay?" Matt said, getting in between me and Nathan.

"Of course I promise, Matt. I'm not an idiot, and I know that's not what you're trying say. Don't worry," I sigh. "You can off my bus now, you piece of shit," I add, looking to Nathan.

He just smirks. "I suppose I do have more important things to do, but I'll be back in a few to check on you."

"Just get the fuck out, right now!" I snap.

He gives us an amused look before actually leaving, the bus still moving. "I hate that ass," Nick says.

"Yeah, I know. He's a fucking douchebag," I agree.

"Hey, you hungry? I tried to make veggie burgers on our grill," Jake said.

I smile at him. "Fuck yeah, let's if you epically failed!"

"Hey, I've been practicing on my cooking!"

"Yeah, around three and half years ago. But a different type of 'cooking'," Josh added.

Jake glared at Josh's drug joke. "Fuck you, I was better at supplying than you, you little fuck," he laughed.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"At least your hash was good."

Jake gave a blank look. "Thanks."

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Hey, guys! So, I just wanted to know if you guys are getting annoyed at Raven and Andy not being together by now. I'm the type that likes to go slow, so... They're relationship is going to be as realistic as possible.

((And yes, Jake was what you're thinking. :|))

~ Lynda <3