space cadet | lil peep

1| "hey space cadet"

jj

"i'm leaving. i'll be back whenever" i yelled to no one in particular. "jj, i told you i need your help moving boxes in the garage tonight" my dad reminded me. "okay and? i have plans now. figure it out" i told him. "jj, the world doesn't revolve around you you know?" my mom asked. "well i'm living in my own perspective, so yeah it kinda does" i said, rolling my eyes. "you're staying to help your father" my mom told me. "no, i said i have plans. i'm literally nineteen years old fucking leave me alone" i said. i walked out the door and slammed it behind me.

mom
this behaviour is not acceptable
you need to be held accountable
the world DOES not revolve around you
everyone around you deserves respect and help sometimes
we're still giving you a roof to live under

jj
i'm literally an adult
i'll get my own roof
i don't need shit from anyone
i'm fine on my own
this is my world everyone else just living in it

mom
we're having a serious talk when you get home.

jj
yeah right whatever

jesus christ people were too much. i don't owe shit to anyone, i'm literally living my life for me. people always got in my way and it annoyed me to no end. there's nothing in this world i haven't been able to do for myself so i really don't know why people think i needed them let alone that i owed them my time and attention.

honestly, i did only really care about myself. people don't realize that all humans do is just use each other. if you aren't using someone as a pawn to get what you want you're probably using someone for your own emotional gain. if you can't make yourself happy then how the hell is someone else supposed to?

i didn't really have any plans, i just wanted to get out of there. i really didn't feel like helping my dad with shit in the garage. it was friday and the sun had just started to go down, it was just light enough i could still see. i was enjoying myself walking alone, i preferred to be on my own anyways.

my phone kept blowing up in my pocket, it was probably just my mom bitching at me so i didn't bother picking it up. i didn't have the time or patience for her bullshit. i pulled it out to turn it on silent. i cut across the football field of my old high school to get to the next road, i'd graduated almost two years ago. there was only one other person on the field, it was some guy i'd never seen before, he had a hood up and was sitting near near the corner with a blunt or cigarette or something hanging out of his mouth.

i glanced over at him but he didn't notice me. i kept walking, unbothered. i started to get a bit hungry so i decided to walk towards the next convenience store to get a snack and a monster or something. it was getting dark now, so i had to rely on the sparatic street lamps and business signs to light my way.

i knew my way around my town fairly well, i'd moved to long island about 5 years ago. i hadn't seen much else of new york state since we moved here from albuquerque. i honestly hadn't ventured too far from my neighbourhood but i had everything i needed here. i have a handful of friends i talk to sometimes or go out with occasionally but i wasn't really close with anyone and planned on keeping it that way.

i could see the stores light up sign at the end of the street now so i picked up my pace a bit, looking forward to food. even if it was shitty and over priced gas-station snacks. as i got closer i noticed the lights inside of the store were off. fuck. i walked to the door and pulled on it, it was locked. i looked up at the door and there was one piece of scrap white paper with "closed" written on it in sharpie. i groaned out loud at the unexplained closure. how hard was it for a girl to get a snack around here?

i turned around and started walking back in the direction i had came from. there was a grocery store that was probably another 10 minute walk from here and there was definitely no way it could be randomly closed. i started making my trek back there, crossing back across the football field i had just came from. the guy was still sitting in his same spot in the corner, slouched up against the fence and playing with his lighter, occasionally flickering it long enough i could just notice his face in the dark. i didn't say anything, nor did he, i just continued on my walk.

luckily the regular grocery store was still open, i sighed with relief while i walked in the door. i wandered down the first aisle i saw once i got in the store. i grabbed a box of crackers off the shelf, it was food so good enough i guess. i did a little lap around the store to see if anything else caught my eye.

i added a bag of sour skittles to my pile and went to go pay. i stopped at the big coolers by the cash to grab a drink. there was a guy standing directly in front of the door i needed to open. i waited for a second for him to move, he didn't. i stepped forward a little to see if i could get his attention to get out of the way. "hey space cadet" i said, getting the guys attention. his head snapped up and it took me a second for me to recognize him as the guy sitting at the park earlier. "i need in there" i said, pointing to the drinks behind him. "oh, sorry" he said and walked off, out of my sight.

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