space cadet | lil peep

9| "dead in a ditch somewhere"

gus

i hadn't seen jj in three days. we drove around for a few hours and i dropped her back off where i found her. i once again forgot to get her phone number so i had no way of contacting her. i kept an extra eye out when i was out of the house for her, but she'd seemed to disappear into thin air.

i grew more and more worried about her, she could be anywhere with anyone. someone could have taken her, she could be locked in a basement or dead in a ditch and no one had any way of knowing. i just wanted her to be okay. even if she didn't need me and really was fine on her own, i didn't care anymore as long as she was fine.

"hey honey, how's your friend from the other night doing? what ended her up here? she looked pretty upset when she was asking for you " my mom asked as i came down to the kitchen. "i actually haven't seen her in a few days. i'm getting kind of worried. i don't have any way to contact her and her parents kicked her out so she doesn't really have anywhere to go so she could be anywhere" i told her.

"oh poor thing. she knows she could have stayed right? if you hear from her tell her to come back over. i hope she's okay as well" my mom said, sounding concerned. "i told her to stay but she's as stubborn as they come, convinced herself she's fine and doesn't need help blah blah blah". i ran my hand through my hair and sighed. i literally hardly knew this girl and i was worrying my ass off about her. if it was me she probably would hardly give half a fuck.

"let me know if you hear from her hun" my mom told me. "i will. i might go take a drive and see if i can see her wandering around. i don't wanna seem like a stalker but i'm just way too worried" i shrugged. "even if she's stubborn im sure she'll appreciate someone caring about her, her parents certainly don't seem to anyways" my mom told me. "yeah true" i said.

jj

i'd walked so far i'd wandered slightly out of town. i don't really know where i am but i'm finding my way. i'm still technically in long island but way out of anywhere i'd ever been. at times i began to regret getting out of gus' car. i was tired, and hungry, and needed a shower.

my phone was almost dead, i'd only gotten to charge it for a few minutes at a time in random public bathrooms. it was probably smart of me to head back into a more familiar direction before my phone was completely dead and i got completely lost. if i even had gus' number i would have maybe possibly considered texting him for a ride, my legs felt like they were made of jello and every step felt like i was walking on lego.

but i didn't have his contact information, so i'd just have to suck it up. my shoes scraped against the concrete as i took every struggling step. i thought i could handle this, but i was starting to run out of resources. i honestly thought my mom would text me in a day or two to come back and she was being dramatic but that had yet to happen.

if anything this experience was slightly humbling for me. key word, slightly. apparently not everything worked in my favour all the time. i could honestly use a favour right now. i didn't want to end up back on gus' doorstep but i had a feeling he'd find me once i was back around our area.

fast forward several, like several hours of walking. i stopped counting after 3. i was back on the outskirts of my neighborhood and i was just starting to easily recognize things again. i literally felt like i was going to collapse, i was dehydrated and probably malnourished or some shit at this point.

i dared to walk past my parents house. neither car was in the driveway so they weren't home right now. i had keys but i didn't bother trying to get in, theu probably had alarm systems or security cameras or some stupid shit like that knowing that's definitely a stunt i would pull.

it was almost better they weren't home, i'm not sure what id say to them if i happened to run into them. like "hey fuck you!" or like "please take me back it's brutal out here" or like "hey can i just grab some extra shit from my room then i'll leave" like what? am i ever even supposed to talk to them again? or see them again?

i kept walking before i caught any of my neighbours attention. they were all too snoopy for their own good. like mind your own business maybe? i turned off of my old road, onto the street that ran perpendicular to it.

in the distance i spotted the bumper of a familiar beat up silver camry. as the car got closer i saw gus visibly exhale in some sort of relief. he rolled down his window and slammed on the breaks in front of me. "jj where the fuck have you been?" he asked, sort of pissed off but half relieved to see me. "around" i said.

"i'm not even gonna argue just get in the fucking car". he said, staring straight ahead over the wheel. "no" i said. "yes. please just like come over and eat something and get a proper nights rest or something" he begged. "no gus. how many times do i have to tell you i'm handling it?" i argued. i'm not sure why i was arguing, i did want to do exactly what he was offering but i just couldn't let myself give in that easily.

"and how many times do i have to tell you i don't care?" he asked. "i'm leaving" i said. "no you're not. just get in the car" he said again, more stern. "gus i'm not" i said starting to walk away. "jj get in the god damn car or i'm filing a missing persons report on you" he threatened. "fucking hell gus. fine" i gave up, throwing my hands up in surrender. i begrudgingly got into the passenger seat.

chapter question
boost my ego what's ur fav book of mine

i personally has the most fun writing hoping that this rain will wash away my sorrows and help me grow again