space cadet | lil peep

8| "i shouldn't have come here"

jj

i woke up looking at an unfamiliar wall. i almost forgot what had happened for a split second. i was thankful for gus letting me stay but i shouldn't have come here. i didn't know him that well and this was a lot of burden to put on him. i wasn't thinking in my right mind yesterday. i sat up, he was passed out next to me on the other side of the bed.

i patted my pockets down for my phone, which i couldn't find. i gently tried to rifle through the sheets to find it. i spotted it on his desk. he must have charged it for me, aw. i reached over him to unplug it. then i just had to get my bags and hopefully leave with minimal fuss.

gus was on the outside of the bed so i tried to scoot to the end without shaking him around too much. i tiptoed around his room, trying not to make the floor creak. which did not work, every step made it squeak. i cracked his door open to see if my bags were in the hall. my clothes were repacked in my bag, dried and folded. him and his mom were really too sweet, this was way too much.

"hey, where do you think you're goin?" gus asked, apparently awake now. so much for leaving unnoticed. "i'll get out of your hair" i said. "no, no. where are you going? because you can't say home " he said. "i'll just go not here. thank you for everything but i hardly know you and this is a lot of burden. i shouldn't have come here, i don't know what i was thinking. sorry" i said, in in the midst of zipping up my bags.

"jj if you can't tell me an actual plan of where you're going and what you're doing you aren't going anywhere. i'm not leaving you for the streets. you can call this home as long as you need" he said, starting to get out of bed. "gus thank you, i appreciate you letting me stay but it's fine. i'll be okay. i don't need help, i'll figure it out. thanks for everything. tell your mom thanks too" i told him, picking up my bags to leave.

he grabbed me by the arm. "jj stop being fucking ridiculous. if at any point in your life you actually needed help this is certainly it, just take it. it's okay to need help. i'm happy to give it to you" he said, pulling me back into his room. "i don't need help. i got myself into this mess i'll get myself back out of it" i said, pulling my arm back.

"i don't want to live a life reliant on others. if i can't do it on my own then i don't need it that bad" i reminded him. i had my mind made up. i know he'd give up eventually because i wasn't giving in. i was leaving wether he liked it or not. "please jj. just stay one more night. it's not safe out there at night on your own. it gets cold after dark too. you don't have anywhere to go but outside" he reminded me. "i have a knife and a sweater. nothing i can't handle" i told him.

"you're gonna be the fucking death of me" he said. "you hardly even know me" i said. "that's the scary part" he sighed. "well again, thank you so much for having me for the night. i appreciate it greatly" i said, trying to leave once again. for good. "please don't go" gus asked, in one last pathetic attempt. "bye. i'll be around. this too shall pass" i shrugged and grabbed my bags.

i went downstairs and his mom was sitting in the living room. "you heading out already? you can stay as long as you need" she said. "yeah i've got it figured out. thank you so much for letting me stay, it means a lot. thanks. see you later" i said, smiling and walking out the front door.

gus was right, i had nowhere to go really. oh well, i wasn't going to leech off of him any longer. i took off walking, i decided to head towards our little "downtown". i could get some food and sit down there at least. at least it was sunny today, and seemed like it was staying that way. i don't know where i was going to sleep but that's a later problem.

i hadn't heard from my parents, well anyone. not that i expected to anytime soon. my shoulder started to ache from the weight of my bag but i sucked it up and kept on walking. had nothing better to do.

i heard a car drive up behind me and start to slow down while i was walking on a quiet street. jesus people thought i was a prostitute already. "i'm not letting you do this to yourself jj" i heard gus say. of course it was him. "look at me, always the chased never the chaser" i said, continuing to walk away from the car.

he let the car roll slowly along with me. "just get in. you don't have to be so goddamn stubborn over everything i'm literally trying to help you and take care of you jesus christ" he said, getting frustrated again. "gus i didn't ask for help and i can take care of myself" i said. "no you can't jj. not right now. you're gonna end up freezing, starving and broke if you don't let me help you until you get something sustainable set up" he said.

"what makes you think you're god who's gonna swoop in and save my life when no one else can?" i asked. "who else do you have jj? be honest here" he said. i inhaled as if i were about to make a big point, but i realized he was right. who else did i have?

"just get in. let's just go for a drive. just two friends hanging out. you can go back to your fine on your own independent bullshit whenever you want. doesn't mean you can't chill with your friend for a bit" he said, trying to make me compromise.

"fine" i agreed "but— were just hanging out. just friends hanging out normally. you're not helping me. i don't need help. just hanging out like normal people" i said. he wasn't helping me because i didn't need it.

"whatever helps you sleep at night" he shrugged while i got in the passenger seat.

chapter question
pls give me ur best remedies to sleep thru the night i keep waking up at 2 and 4 am