space cadet | lil peep

11| "now we wait"

jj

i'd been staying at gus' for a few days now. i was a bit more settled in and coming to terms with my situation here. this was my life for now and i'd finally realized that i'd have to accept his kindness or be literally homeless. nothing intimate had happened between us since we kissed. we were still happy and friends, we still slept in the same bed but on opposite sides facing opposite walls as always. everything was fine, we were both aware those feelings were on the table but made an unspoken agreement not to rush into anything.

"ugh i wish i brought more clothes. i didn't think this was going to be a long term thing" i complained, looking at my same 5 recycled outfits. "do you think they'd let you clear out the rest of your stuff. "i have no idea i said. "jj, i don't think it's a good idea for you to move back there ever, even if they let you again. even with all you've been through lately the jj i first met and the jj in front of me now are different. you're happier now that you're out of there. you don't feel the need to have a protective shield up all the time and attack at any interaction made at you" he pointed out.

"well, i guess i've been able to relax a little with them off my back. i owe some of it to you though gus, you've been here the whole time and never gave up on me. you're also just naturally calming to be around and you're hard to argue with or even stay mad at. it's like you're just a natural balancing force to me" i told him.

"good. that's good. you certainly keep me on my toes but i think i needed someone to worry about and to focus on to keep me from zoning out into my own little world for 16 hours of the day. i know you've got a lot on your plate but i like you a lot jj. we don't have to rush anything or do anything just like, do with that information what you will" he told me.

he was right. very, scarily accurate right. i didn't really know what to say back so i just leaned into him and hugged him. he wrapped his arms back around me, he was pretty good at knowing what i was trying to say even without words so i'm sure he picked up on whatever i subconsciously was trying to tell him.

"do you think i should text them?" i asked him. "worst they'll say is no" he told me. "i guess you're right" i admitted. gus gasped out of nowhere. "what?" i asked. "was that? was that jj admitting someone other than herself was right?" he asked in fake shock. i smacked his check playfully "i hate you" i said, only half joking. "ah there she is" he said.

"well, here goes nothing" i said, pulling out my phone. "it'll be fine hun" he reassured. "what do i want even say?" i questioned. "just like, hey, if this is gonna be a permanent thing can i at least come pick up the rest of my stuff from my room?" he suggested. "that will work" i decided.

jj
hey. if this is a permanent thing can i come pick up the rest of my stuff out of my room?

"now we wait" i said. "even if they say no, we'll figure something out" he told me. "okay. it'll be okay" i reassured myself. "yeah it will" gus agreed.

i sat on his bed, anxiously staring at my phone. "staring at it won't make her text you back any faster" gus informed me. "i know. i just, i don't know. this is nerve wracking" i rambled. "i know it is" he said, gently rubbing my back.

mother
i'll unlock the front door tonight from 6 until 7. be no earlier and leave no later. bring your own garbage bags.

jj
okay

i breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "wait, what time is it?" i asked gus. "uh" he hesitated, pulling out his phone. "5:45" he answered. "shit we gotta get going" i said, jumping onto my feet. "go start the car, i'll get bags" he said, tossing me his keys. "okay be fast" i told him.

i ran out of to the car and stuck his keys in the ignition. gus was outside moments later with an armful of bags. "i don't think i'll need that many" i told him, getting out of the drivers seat and going to the other side of the car. "meh. jusy incase" he said.

my house, well old house was only a couple minute drive away from gus'  so we'd arrive with a few minutes to spare. "is there gonna be a sniper on the roof for us if i park at the end of your driveway? or should i park down the road?" he asked. "um. driveway is probably fine but i doubt we'll even take the hour that she's giving me" i reckoned.

he parked the car at the end of the driveway. i looked at the clock. 5:56. i took a shaky breath, anxiety was starting to set in. "it'll be fine jj. i'll be right there. if you don't wanna go in just tell me what you need and i'll get it" he offered. "thank you. i gotta do this though. they can't always win" i said. "atta girl" he praised me.

the clock switched to 6:00 and we both got out of the car. i reluctantly approached the front door, fearing the worst. i slowly turned the knob, which was unlocked. the door swung open into the front entrance way. gus stayed a couple of steps behind me.

i could see the tops of my parents heads from the couch. they didn't talk to me, or even look at me. i took gus upstairs to my room, and we started shoving clothes and other sentimental items into bags as fast as we could. "thank you gus. so much" i told him, while rummaging through one of my many junk drawers for any items of value. "no worries, not a problem at all" he sounded pretty nonchalant.

"well, that's everything" i decided, after we'd gone through every inch of my room. id left behind a handful of items i didn't want or need, or anything super connected to my parents. "well let's get out of here, you don't need to be in this shitty place any longer" he said, talking slightly louder so just maybe my parents would hear.

we got back downstairs at 6:30, we put everything in the car and my parents had still failed to speak to or even look at me. i was ready to finally wash my hands of them and be free from their toxic household.

chapter question
y'all ready for them to be together yet🤣