space cadet | lil peep

3| "thats not what i was doing"

jj

i sort of kept thinking about the interaction i had with gus the other day. i hadn't seen him since but i almost didn't hate the idea of bumping into him again. he seemed fine enough, i guess. his spaciness definitely annoyed the shit out of me, i usually hated people like that. imagine not paying attention to yourself and your own life? like how?

gus however seemed nice once i actually talked to him a little. it's been ages since i made a new friend so maybe it was time. not that a friendship was any commitment, if he started to bother me then he was gone. well, most human relationships aren't really any commitment for me. if you don't like someone anymore just break up with them? it's not that hard?

maybe i'd walk by the field later today and see if he was there. since i kept running into him there. maybe i could have some of whatever he was smoking, i hadn't gotten high in a while. nothing against it, it was just a bit of a hassle and there was nothing really wrong with me i needed to suppress it was just kinda fun sometimes.

"jj?" my mom called. "what?" i yelled back to her, annoyed already. "can you help your dad with those boxes today? my back is bothering me so i can't do it" she told me. "no? i don't want to? it's probably fine you're just being dramatic" i told her. i heard her mutter something to herself or my dad but i couldn't tell what she was saying.

i don't really care if i'm a "child from hell" i didn't ask to be born. they decided to put me on this earth they should be taking care of me and dealing with their own repercussions.

i didn't want to have to deal with either of their bullshit right now, so i snuck out my window like i used to at night in high school. i figured that fun trick out when i was fifteen. comes in handy still. my knees cracked a little as i made the short drop onto the ground from the other window ledge.

i wandered off with nowhere in particular to go, just out of my house. i should really move out but the longer i can financially leech of my parents the better to be honest. why would i pay for my own shit if i don't have to? seems stupid to me.

i walked in the direction of the football field with the intention of maybe finding gus in the back of my head. i wouldn't be offended if i did, but not upset if i didn't. i could take or leave most people.

i opened the gate to the field. i couldn't see gus from where i entered so i continued to walk. i didn't see him at all as i crossed the grass. i shrugged to myself, oh well. i'd keep walking and maybe he'd be there on my way home. i'm not sure why i was thinking this through so much. he's just another person.

i did a lap of a couple of blocks, just to kill time. i was getting super bored at home but it was hard to find friends that tolerate me that i also like. most people annoyed me and most people thought i was a bitch.

gus still wasn't there even on my way home, maybe he only went out at night or something. it was still late morning so maybe he was just asleep. i subconsciously came up with the idea to walk up his street, not in a creepy way. maybe we'd just run into each other again. i didn't even know what house was his, or even what end or side of the street.

i turned onto the street, walking all the way up one side and keeping an eye out for gus. still no luck at finding him. i crossed the road and continued to walk down the opposite side of the road, continuing to hope i'd see gus. i got about halfway down the street and someone turned the corner onto the road, now walking towards me.

the guy looked up and i recognized him as gus, speak of the devil. oh god he's probably going to think i'm crazy and a stalker. i smiled at him once i got close enough for him to realize that it was just me.

"hi" i said. "you following me or something? looking for me?" he asked. "nope just on a walk and apparently you live in the neighborhood" i laughed. "mhm sure" he chuckled. "i'm sure you just wanted to see me" he said. "well i'm not going to complain now that you're in front of me but i can go home if you're offended" i offered.

"no no it's fine" he laughed. "you wanna hang out or something? my parents aren't home but i think my bother might be there? he just fucks off in the basement anyways" gus asked. "if you're offering sure. i know i'm pretty great" i told him. "this ones mine" he said, pointing to a house "now you can just come over to see me instead of pacing my street like a maniac" he said. "that's not what i was doing" i told him. "it totally was" he countered.

"well i can give you my number or something too, if we're like doing the hanging out thing now" i offered. "yeah remind me. that would be good to have" he said. "you seem a little more present today" i commented, considering he seemed totally out of it the last times i saw him. "yeah i'm not high right now" he said. "oh, that's what it is. that makes sense" i said. "you couldn't tell?" he asked.

"no i just thought you were stupid or some shit" i said. he awkwardly laughed. "you smoke?" he asked. "not in a while" i said. "you want to? you seem wound tighter than a fucking drum so like maybe relax" he offered. "let's do it" i said.

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chapter question: alternating POVS or keep it in JJs for most of it?