Not Yours | H.S

thirty one

mm yea alex turner reference mmhmm

( stuck on the puzzle )

My body fuelled with anger I couldn't explain. Is he in the wrong, or am I jumping to conclusions?

Am I overreacting?

I lack a few basic life skills, but that's not me it's on who raised me. I have been let down so many times I could see the wrong and the clear right but now it was up to me to judge it and I don't like it. What if I'm completely irrational and it's nothing?

"Polly, he had reports under your name before you met him. He knew you and took you to bed, knowing you're his student." I whisper to myself, some words barely audible.

I technically took him to bed, but he drove me. He walked over to me and asked if I wanted a lift, he took all the weird steps beforehand.

My mind is doing circles around my body, I had to speak with him. It was the only conclusion I'd like to go to at this moment. I'm scared of my bursts of rage, I still want to be calm. I still want to talk to him, I just don't know how when things are so messy in my head.

My problem with myself is that I don't know if this is wrong or not- I can't even tell if this is wrong. Is he messing up, or me?

I cant even decipher if this is all stupid and its my four a.m brain or my neglected brain that has a side to think of the worst. Who could blame me?

I'm changing and for the better. It's a slow process, but I'm changing to know my worth and stick up for myself. Only problem was, I don't know if its the right thing to do in the end, i'm so caught up on losing Harry.

Am I overreacting?

My brain cannot stop repeating itself, my heart said deal with it. My brain said change and find your worth for the better. I have so much more to give, rather than continuously feed off the negativity around people. Amara has never once let me down, a beautiful soul that matched with mine in seconds. She'd take me in if worst comes to worst. If I lose Harry, it's just going to sting, I'll have people to pick me back up. I'll have too many distractions to think about him soon enough, right?

"Whatever." I mutter, tightening my dressing gown and grabbing my phone ith me.

Four A.M exactly.

It's been fifty minutes of worrying, just confront the demon that's trying to kill you.

Talk to Harry, he won't hurt or touch you.

You know he won't.

I've had to hear the two laugh downstairs non-stop the past half an hour and even though I was glad they're having fun, it was haunting my heart in a way I felt emptier each time I heard a happy noise.

It seemed that dark followed me everywhere.

'I believe we reincarnate and our souls learn something we didn't in our past life' my mum so weakly whispered to me when she was sick, her words are tattooed in a spot in my brain. I love you mummy, I'm doing it for you.

Well, my soul learnt absolute fuck all. Past me was a princess who had a charming prince from the beginning, a nice father and a beautiful mother.

"Maybe they just never loved." I speak aloud.

Maybe I had to learn to give everything to the right people. There's a purpose for everything.

I open the door slowly and quietly, trying to avoid all the creaks and possible noises I can accidentally make. I tip toe down each stair, both feet standing on the one step before I move on to the next one.