Not Yours | H.S

thirty four

Two weeks had past, two long dry weeks.

Nothing but a few texts each night sent back and forth to him. There hasn't been a night where he hasn't sent the same text, 'goodnight sweetheart, sweet dreams and sleep well.' it was warming to my heart, boring to my unsure brain.

The day of our fight and my breakdown he had sent around fifter panicked texts. He was stressed and I could see that it was eating at him the longer I ignored him, but I stood my ground so he could feel half as much as I felt. I have tons of open wounds and he stabbed knives in all of them, twisting them around like it's funny.

Sure, have files of me under your bed id get over it. Make a remark to get at me, whatever I've heard it all before. Bring my mum into it, that's when i will fall, i will cry out salty water at those words for as much as i need to.

Only problem was, school was too distracting. I couldn't cry.

If I was crying, it was over a craving I had or something so minor it makes me contemplate everything i've ever worked for.

Harry was in my thoughts, coming in strong with both negative and the good sides of things. I didn't like going to his class during these times, but that was expected. It would be the same if it was a guy my age, of course you don't want to be in the same room as someone you're fighting with.

We looked at each other and nothing on the surface had changed. Apart from that one day he's been nice, he's been a superstar teacher, but it all feels diminished when he's lacking in other places.

He was in my thoughts for the better too. I know all couples will have their moments and it's just a spanner in the works. I couldn't wait till it was all done, I honestly couldn't wait for him to be under my bubble of space once more.

There was no point in going back now though, why let it sting you when all you've done is let the sting sink in? With Harry I'm safe to experiment, I'm safe to take things my own way and I'm encouraged to stick up for myself. I think he's happy I'm taking some type of leadership here. It's not only proving my worth, but proving how much he's helped me.

The world is giving me another chance at lessons, this time it's actually safe to pursue it.

I rang him last night. I still have basic morals and I know some people have bigger boundaries than others.

It was outta respect of my significant other.

"Hey Harry." I smiled, I hadn't talked to him like this in a week exactly.

"Hi baby, how are you?" His soft voice rings through the receiver. It's soothed and low, my favourite vice to hear.

"I'm okay, you?"

I couldn't help but look down, my stomach swimming with butterflies as I contained my excitement. Things were always going to be okay, I will always find the strength to work it out with him.

"I'm great now that you've called me." I could practically hear his smile. "Was there any reason to?"

"Uh..." I sigh, not necessarily in a negative way, my nerves just needed a way to vent out. "I have a question, actually. I do like talking to you though, I promise."

"As long as I get to hear your voice, I'm okay. What's your question precious?"

"Well, so... Zayn; he had asked that day we had a little argument if him and I could catch up, just a recap on how things have been since Tobys passing. I just wanted to run it down with you before I made anything final."

"You, him, alone?" he questions...

"Yes, that's why I'm asking."

"Look," he sighed. "I have no real problem with it. I trust you, but will you be safe? Will you message me throughout the night? I actually really look up to you for asking baby, but you're okay. You shouldn't have to ask, maybe tell me, but it's your life."