Forbidden Desire

CH 4 || The Night Of Supreme Anguish

Aditi

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In the course of the entire journey of one and a half hours in the flight, Vidyut was by my side. He neither accepted any work calls nor was occupied with answering emails or texting someone. To be very honest, he was leaving me in a state of a dilemma with his actions.

His actions were making me befuddled. He was never there at the important minutes or occasions of our life, but there he was holding my hand, stroking my hair in the plane. It wasn't like I had gotten ill for the first time, but I indeed was getting that treatment for the first time.

I contemplated if he was truly worried about my wellbeing, whether he was concerned about my health. He was taking care of my meds, my food all the while on the plane, feeding me things every other minute.

"Vidyut, when will you be joining the office?" His father had questioned him. I had speculated his reply beforehand but was staggered when I heard him, "Dad, after two days. Aditi is not fine, so I will be with her till she gets completely fine." All the while he was staring at me, smiling at me.

"Sounds nice." replied dad.

That flight of short duration was more blissful than how I had spent my past ten months.

Vidyut's mother was wrapped up with business magazines. Our conversation wasn't of any interest to her. Besides, she was always cold to me. It's not like she hated me but didn't like me either. Furthermore, I was heedless of the reasons for her bitter nature towards me. Even though she was the first person to agree to Vidyut's and my wedding, still, her actions would always portray another story.

Vidyut hadn't left my hand even for a bit and had interlaced the fingers of his left hand with my right. I was a tad petrified thinking it was all a splendid illusion. The Vidyut in the plane was the one I had married and I hoped for him to remain the same. I had already lost a lot of people in my life and I didn't want to lose him as well.

In our marriage of eleven months, only the first month was euphoric. After one month everything changed. It seemed I married another guy and not the one I was living with. Still, I tried everything I could, to be at his notice, but would fail every time. I even tried talking to him but things for him were the same.

I cast my mind back to the fatal evening I attempted to put forth my feelings in front of my husband. Rather than understanding me, instead of respecting my feelings, he had said, 'Aditi, seems like your view on looking at others has changed. It's you who has changed and not me.'

That wasn't the truth but he wasn't ready to believe me. When my words failed in front of him I used my silence, only for it to become impotent.

I, the one who used to give voices to the needy, once, had lost my voice long back.

Soon we had reached our destination. Unlike the last time, San Francisco appeared different to me. Nothing had changed yet something had changed. I couldn't get what it was. The place where I had fallen in love with Vidyut didn't seem the same anymore.

While I was moving out, Vidyut and his parents were ahead and me behind them. After landing, the new Vidyut was back, who would always be busy on his phone. If it would have been the old days I would have run to him and would have held his hand saying, 'You ought to take me with you, holding my hand.'

But I was done chasing. In the game of pursuing I had lost someone significant to me. I was still grieving somewhere but Vidyut, well, he had forgotten. How could he even remember when it was me who had to suffer and not him.