TASTE OF EXILE; minchan

❯ 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙃𝙊

i woke up late, at least later than when i usually wake up. the sun was up and shining through the windows, about ten am maybe, eleven, maybe even already in the afternoon- to be honest i wasn't really sure.

it was silent.

too silent to have anyone around except me. i sat up from the bed, rubbed the sleepiness away from my eyes, i felt too heavy, i could barely stay up on the bed. i looked around the room, still the same as we left it, but it was still silent.

a sleeping pill. no wonder i woke up later than my schedule, i held my forehead that was still aching and groaned. where's chan? i thought out. a bit worried at what happened to him and changbin because of the dead silence.

i walked out the room and glanced at the table already filled with food, i walked towards it and picked up the note from the vase. at reading it i slightly crumpled the paper and scoffed, both of them went to retrieve the files while i was asleep.

i huffed a laugh, didn't they trust me? what more reason is there to leave me behind? no matter how well i can read other people, chan was the only person i can't get. we think alike but different at the same time, he's either another me or completely another person the opposite.

as i opened the door, i faced him. he looked at me with scrunched eyebrows, eyes delicate, and lips wavering as if he was worried.
❝ hey are you- ❞

❝ next time, just tell me. ❞
i cut him off, not wanting to look at his eyes.
❝ i would have obeyed if you just told me. just please... you didn't have to... drug me or anything..... ❞
i said a bit weakly than i hoped for. i was still shaken up by last night and my body felt heavy. chan was staring at me, i could feel it, i can imagine the look on his face. he understood all of me even if i didn't say a word.
❝ i'm sorry. you were so shaken up last night, and you couldn't sleep, you always couldn't sleep but you seem so scared- ❞

❝ i wasn't scared. ❞
i denied. he sighed.
❝ i got worried okay? i knew you'd protest but i just wanted to let you rest. you needed it. ❞
he told me softly.
❝ you can't tell me what i need and don't, much more tell me what to do. ❞
i turned and walked away from him out of pettiness. i don't want to hear anymore, even though he was right.

i didn't know how long it had passed, but i stayed at the balcony until it was dusk, just feeling the wind brush against my face and every now and then sighing too many times.

chan just stood a good distance behind me, staring, thinking, was i too hard to understand? i couldn't tell myself.

i heard his steps closer and he leaned onto the rails, still a good distance from me. he looked at the view of the sun now starting to set behind the buildings and i could feel the weight lift off the atmosphere. maybe he had smiled.

he inched in closer to me, still distant but close enough so i could feel his presence near. there was always something about him that was so genuine, even without spoken words.

how naive of me to believe that.

the files they retrieved about the politician were in codes, so chan and changbin had their agency deduce the files and code used in the documents. while that's still under study, the next morning we were getting ready to pay a visit to my old home and find out what exactly had my older brother hidden from the mafia.

i had a clue actually, it wasn't actual evidence of some sort, but files and recordings of something important to take control of the farm. i could remember on my first year of working in the mafia, they were turning the whole country upside down to find these recordings and files that were "stolen" from the mansion. it must be very important that the don had killed thousands just to find it.

what had my older brother done? he was a walking trash in the mafia, his position was in the lowest rank, i don't even think he met the don ever. he died before i was taken away from my old home, nobody knew how or why, his body was never found.

now dusk before the dawn, we rode a small truck changbin was able to buy quickly to get us to the place where i grew up, where my brother lived as well before coming to the city. the wind blew softly against my hair, the view blurry and dark, there was no sound except for the cicadas and changbin's snores from the backseat. i wasn't in the mood to drive so chan volunteered.
❝ how are you feeling? ❞
he asked suddenly.

❝ sick. ❞
i replied and i could hear him sigh.
❝ i guess it's hard to go back home when you ran away from it in the first place huh? ❞
i hummed a response at that statement. there were bad memories, too many of them and my family was beyond help. but even so, it was where i spent my days before i lived in this world of bloodshed, a place of simpler things where all spend the days as they liked.

❝ what kind of place is it? do you remember anything you enjoyed doing when you were younger? ❞
chan tried to continue our conversation.
❝ i was barely six really, and i would like to forget my past. but i remember running around the fields and feeding baby goats, help harvest the berries and snacking on some as a reward, i'd jump into the river for a swim as it was close to our house. that's probably it. ❞
i said, not really remembering much, to be very honest i've already buried that part of me in the very back of my mind.

it all just seems like a dream in the reality i live in now.

━━━━━━━ • ♤ • ━━━━━━━
𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 : 𝟷𝟸𝟷𝟷𝟸𝟸
I missed you all so much!
Stay healthy and safe always

Love,
Sea

Also

i love her so much it's not even funny anymore 😭😭😭
ning yizhuo = ang aking pipiliin, mamahalin, papakasalan, at pagsisilbihan habang-buhay 🙇‍♀️