TASTE OF EXILE; minchan

❯ 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙃𝙊

the sun was setting, and i sat there by the swing of the huge tree, watching the sun disappear behind the tall mountains, its rays reflecting through the clear waters of the lake. i engulfed in the passing breeze, the scent of berries and fresh air easing my breaths, the wind slightly brushing the hair against my face.

i felt a presence nearby, but it wasn't familiar, she stood there beside me watching the sun set. and for the first time ever, i've felt so at ease with my mom.

❝ nothing changed when i left. ❞
i said, breaking the silence.
❝ a lot did minho, to me, a lot did. ❞
she replied.

❝ the city, and its people, weren't good to you weren't they? ❞
she asked, and i could only let out a laugh, i found it quite funny coming from her.
❝ i don't know how true good people were. the good people i thought, turned out to have unkind intentions. you should know this better than anyone, mom. ❞

❝ i know. ❞

another wave of silence passed by us, each second getting heavier and heavier that i felt my senses getting clogged. i didn't know why my chest felt in pain, like it was burning with rage, sorrow, agony, and i wanted to cry like a child.

in my mother's arms.

❝ you've met such good friends. ❞
my mom, this time, broke the silence.
❝ i know these words might not make up for anything, but i'll say it now to bring peace in my heart. ❞

❝ i'm sorry. ❞
my mother told me, the softest i've heard her voice.
❝ i'm sorry, my son. ❞
before i knew it, i was crying in her arms.

❝ mom! ❞
i cried and she soothed me through hushes and hums, her hand gentle as she stroked my hair.
❝ i-i'm.... i'm so tired.... ❞
i told her and she rested her head on mine.
❝ i know, and i understand, rest for now minho, i'm just here. ❞

"i'm just here." maybe it was those words i wanted to hear from her the most. ever since i was a child, i felt alone, i was striving and struggling so hard for something i didn't know, with no savior to breach if i fall off the cliff in which i couldn't see the treasures of the peak. i was lost, i wanted to be found, i wanted assurance but i had no one. she was my mother, i needed her the most those times despite our differences. for the woman she is, the sleep she never had just so she could go to work, her figure; fragile, just so me and my siblings could take all share of the food, the way she gave away her soul to provide for us, the way i saw her cry the night she gave me away to the monsieur in hopes that he'd give me a better life— and spare me. i saw all these through her mask, her imperfections, i love her with all my heart, and i wish nothing but her healing.

❝ ready to go? ❞
chan asked me the next morning as we were about to set off back to the city, i looked back at the view of the village again. the mountains, the lake, the trees, the berries, our old house, my family, home. i'll let it go one last time, before i could come back with a deserving life.