Not Without You - A Stucky Fanfic

Chapter Twenty Nine

The jet arrived back at the tower. Everyone walked out of the jet, Steve and Bucky being the last ones as they all boarded the elevator to go down.

Once they arrived to the common floor, Steve and Bucky walked to Steve's room tightly together until they closed the door.

Bucky went straight to Steve's bed and Steve went to his closet and bathroom, grabbing clothes, a warm cloth and a first aid kit. He returned to Bucky who was taking off his shirt and pants, Steve sitting across from him. Steve gave Bucky his sweatpants to slip on before tending to his wounds.

Steve took the previous bandages that Bruce applied off and threw them in the trash, taking the warm cloth and dabbing on the wounds one by one ridding of any excess blood and bacteria. Before applying each bandage on the freshly cleaned wound, Steve kissed each one and murmuring sweet nothings and apologies he knew Bucky could hear. Once he was done Bucky threw on his hoodie and slipped under the covers, Steve changing and following shortly after.

They began to snuggle up next to each other, tightening their hold on one another as if they were afraid that the other was going to disappear out of thin air. "Start talking baby, I need to know what you are thinking about," Bucky said to Steve, kissing the crook of his neck.

"How do you know I'm thinking?"

"Because you're tense and you were just brainwashed. I need to know that you remember everything and that you are alright, so begin talking."

Steve sighed, but obliged to Bucky. "Did it really hurt you that much when you were brainwashed every time?" Steve whispered to him, tears streaming down his face.

Bucky was silent before he spoke, "yes. It hurt like hell every single time. And for 30 years that's all they did because I wouldn't break because I never lost hope."

"Hope in what?"

"You coming to save me from that base... But you never did and they eventually broke into me and that's when I lost. You were gone Steve. Gone. I fell and never saw you again and I thought I was going to die yet I survived and was eventually trained to be the Winter soldier. Getting brain washed over and over tore my brain to pieces, I'm still trying to regain all my memories from all of that because it took 30 years before I could be their asset. Their assassin," Bucky confessed.

"And they told you to fight me, which you broke somehow because I know they blended your brain but you still broke. You hated me, Bucky you would've killed me had you not broken the spell," Steve begins speaking wiping the tears that still dropped from his eyes.

Bucky sat up and looked straight into Steve's eyes. Comfort laced his features as he said, "they programmed me to hate Captain America, but they couldn't program me to hate you, Steve."

Steve closed the distance between them, more tears flowing from his eyes and he puts his energy into the kiss. He's always known he loved Bucky but everyday he still manages to fall in love with him more.

Steve pushed Bucky on the bed and slowly released the kiss, moving a strand of Bucky's hair out of his face as he stared at him. Messy brown locks flooding either sides of his head, swollen lips from their kiss with a smile lacing the lips. Steve just smiled back and laid on Bucky as he began to talk about what he went through.

"They tortured me. They tortured me until I was so weak that the chair and turning me into their asset would be easier because I would rather be focused on surviving. No matter how much it hurt, I was just glad it wasn't you again so I fought but they won," Steve started. His breath was becoming rigged from having to remember all that happened.

He continued, "I was barely fed so my wounds wouldn't heal as quick and always when I got comfortable and was able to move, they'd come back with something new to do from the last time. They never asked for information, they rarely talked, actually. They spoke in Russian but that's it and then they'd leave again as I laid on the floor in a pool of my own blood.

"The next thing I remember was getting brainwashed. It was horrible. You can feel yourself wither away and you can't do anything and I remember his words. His orders and when you broke me how everything felt. I could feel the life in my bones come back and I hope that this feeling, the brainwashing, I hope to never feel it again. And I hope you don't either Buck, not if I can stop it." Steve exhaled, lifting up to look Bucky in the eyes.

Bucky smiles at him. Baffled and also angry that he had to feel everything he wished Steve never had to. "I won't let you get brainwashed. Never again as long as I'm living doll, I can't risk losing you for good again."

"You won't. I'm with you till the end of the line," Steve confessed.

"Right back at you." Bucky kissed Steve with a passionate kiss, their lips moving in sync and Bucky's human hand going straight to Steve's hair, Steve's hands trailing Bucky's sides.

They continued to kiss until a knock was heard at the door and a voice. "Dinner is ready love birds," Natasha's voice muffling through the closed door and foot steps fading away.

The two boys groaned but made their way out of bed and the room, walking to eat with the team. Steve's stomached growled, only now realizing how hungry he is because he hasn't had a proper meal in almost a week.

They made it to the kitchen to grab food, having pizza for dinner. Steve grabs a whole box of pizza and walks to the table Bucky following behind with a plate of pizza, breadsticks and salad.

As they sit at the table with the rest of their friends, they get enveloped into the conversation, hearing lots of "glad to be back" and "good to see you" as everyone continues to talk amongst themselves. Steve just silently eats his pizza, not making eye contact and only looking down. He's overwhelmed and Bucky can sense, squeezing his thigh for reassurance.

Steve looks at Bucky, seeing the dullness in the once bright ocean eyes. Bucky leans over and pecks his cheek, earning a small smile that disappeared as he looked away which Bucky didn't like. He didn't like seeing Steve so sad and emotionless because to Bucky, Steve was his light house in the dark ocean.

They all eventually finished eating their food and migrated to the living room, preparing to watch a movie. Steve got up to clear the plates, Natasha helping so she could corner him to talk to him. They entered the kitchen when Nat spoke up. "What's going on Rogers? It looks like someone took the star out of the star spangled man," Nat asked him.

Steve sighed, he knew he wasn't getting out of this conversation. So he spoke up, "just tired is all. This past week has drained me and all I want to do is forget about it. I just want to be okay."

Steve's voice became rigged, him holding back the tears as Natasha came towards him to give him comfort. His body tensed but after a few seconds of contact he relaxed, Natasha noticing his movement.

"Steve, it's over. We finally got them and it's going to be okay. You'll get your happy ending, we finally won and it's over. Hydra's biggest attacker is now in SHIELD's headquarters. You will be okay," she whispers to him. She gives him a hug and walks away to leave Steve to think.

Knowing Hydra is over, Steve knows what needs to happen next, as he exits the kitchen to join the rest of the Avengers in the living room.

And for the first time since he got home, a genuine smile was showing on his face.