The one forgiven sin 《Sambucky》

00.22

You deserve someone who thinks you are too important to lose.

-r.h.Sin

Inside of the Wilson residence, there seemed to have settled some slight peace, all of the ones exhausted by the cookout and party to celebrate Sam's success.

Bucky had been swaying from side to side because of sleepiness the whole evening, and everyone with fully functional eyes had seen that, yet the brunette tried to seem as if he wasn't tired at all, actively even held onto conversations. But Sam refused to leave his side, anyway, therefore he could catch him, should the brunette decide it was time to fall down thanks to his exhaustion.

Around midnight, the neighbourhood started lessening, fewer people surrounded the Wilson childhood home, and before even everyone left, Bucky had passed out on the couch, tiny snores leaving him once in a while.
Seeing him this relaxed made Sam smile, and soon enough, the house was deserted, everyone but their normal passagers, plus Bucky, were left.

Knowing, Bucky was here with him, got him, for half the night, a peaceful mindset.

•□•□•□•

The other half of the night, however....

Sam was sitting, since when he didn't remember. His hands were cramping in a form that seemed like claws, as if he was trying to hold onto something.

Or someone...

Oh, god. He had dreamed of Riley again.

He immediately was thrown back into the nightmare he had been woken up from.

As always, he heard his com go off, Riley apologizing as he fell through the sky, only to collide with the floor, Sam dashing into his direction, only to be too late.

The scene inside of his dream changed, he saw Vision taking aim at him, and he avoided it by rushing out of the line. Only to make it hit Rhodey. Sam had enough sense to turn around just as Rhodey was shot out of the sky, plummeting towards the ground at hellbend speed. Sam, once again, reached out, only to be too late again.

And last, but certainly not least, he saw Bucky drop down that god forbidden building, his horrified scream echoing in Sam's mind like a broken record. But instead of standing up again, in Sam's dream, Bucky stayed down, blood dripping down his cracked up head. His eyes, those shining blue diamonds, were closed, only to never open again. Once and for all, late. Again.

Always late.

Leaving Sam to never confess his feelings to the grumpy senior citizen.

He thanked his lucky star he woke up from that, yet the nagging panic of all the people he failed returned with such a force, it left him dizzy.

Before he knew it, he stood right in front of a still heavily sleeping Bucky, whose face was turned away from Sam. But his still terrified mind started playing tricks on him, showing him Bucky wasn't breathing at all. 

All of a sudden, he was shaking him awake, Bucky wasn't even half awake when he drew the way too sleepy soldier close. Bucky tensed up, grunting in his half awake state, his metal arm whirring again, only to recognize the arms holding him close and relaxing once again.

"Shhh, sugar, it's just me. I just need to know you're okay."

That only made Bucky worry more.

"Sam...? Are you-."

"I failed him. I failed her. Don't let me fail you, too." He cried out, his hands shaking. His right hand was tangled in short brown strands, while his left was rubbing up and down Bucky's back.

"Sam, who di-."

"Shhh. Please, just... keep breathing. And just for tonight, let me hold you. Please. I know you ain't fond of hugging, but please, just to-."

"Sam. It's okay, dipshit." Bucky mumbled into his shoulder, his heart steadily beating, slightly off beat to Sam's heart. But it was beating. And that was all that mattered.

"But, I'm still tired, so-"

"Okay!" Sam interrupted.

"Okay. Let's get to bed."

"Wait! Togethe-!?" Bucky stopped short once he got a glimpse of Sam's tearful face, an expression of pure anguish and pain mixed together replaced the normally sympathetic and nice face of one Sam Wilson.

He sighed, knowing exactly how exhausting flashbacks can get.

"Okay." He swallowed. "Yeah, okay, let's get to bed. But, first, let's get you a nice cup of water, okay? And some fruits."

Bucky wiggled out of his arms, and Sam felt hot and cold all of a sudden.

He watched Bucky open up the fridge from behind the counter, but the distance was too much, Bucky could stop living every second, and he couldn't breathe, his lungs were about to collapse, and-

Without really knowing it again, he pressed against Bucky's back, trying to swallow Bucky with his body, try to make him a part of himself. Both his arms swung around the taller, but slimmer male, pressing him closer. His palm laid right over Bucky's heartbeat, feeling his heat, or rather the lack therefore, since the man was always cold to the touch.

He had attached himself to the older man in a way, he was sure not even bombs would be able to rip him off.

"Man, come on, I wanna make it better for you." Bucky grumbled, but didn't object just yet. His patience was running thin he could feel it, but he'd deal with a pissed off Bucky tomorrow.

Tonight, he had to make sure Bucky survived the night. His fucked mind kept telling him something would hurt Bucky, and he would be too late to safe him.

No way was he gonna let it happen, so he just held on tighter.

"Man, you tryna squeeze my soul outta this body?" Bucky mumbled, having settled on a small icy water bottle and grapes as well as an apple.

Sam didn't comment. Only steeled Bucky into the direction of his bedroom.

Once inside, he felt Bucky stop short of the sight of his bed, awkwardly playing with his fingers. But Sam wasn't having any of that, he tugged him closer and let himself fall on top of his not so soft mattress, dragging Bucky with him.

The man gave a surprised sound, something like a squeak, before settling on top of Sam, since the dark skinned one pressed his head to his chest. Sam's hands found themselves, once again, fiddling with brown strans and climbing up and down Bucky's back.

The one armed man had been tense ever since the kitchen, but the longer Sam kept his hands in his hair, the more did the tension leave the others body.

But Sam was still restless.

And he knew he would not sleep at all.

He thought Bucky and him shared the same fate, but was rather surprised to hear those so welcomed little snores again. Bucky was out like a light, and Sam was awake, letting his thoughts adrift, stuck in a dark place in his mind.

Tomorrow couldn't arrive any sooner....

A/N: since nobody addressed it, I want to point out how similar I made Sam's and Bucky's monologue, or inner thoughts, as to why they couldn't just take the shield and be the new Captain. Both struggle with something, Bucky with his guilt and Sam with the world's unwillingness to let a black man be better than them. I felt like this wasn't made clear in the series, which I found rather sad since it was definitely part of Sam's character development. That's all! Here, have some angsty flashback!