THE ACTRESS

CHAPTER 15

Chapter 15

"Mind if we join you in your table?", nakangiting tanong sa akin ni Lorraine. Hindi ko alam kung insensitive lang ba talaga itong babaeng ito at hindi niya maramdamang ayaw ko sa kanya o sadyang nambubwiset lang siya?

"No problem Lorraine. We don't mind sharing the table with our friends, right Da?", nakakalokong tumingin sa akin si Jarred. Kaibigan ko ba talaga 'tong isang 'to. Leshe! Pinilit ko pa ring ayusin ang mukha ko kahit gusto ko nang bumusangot.

"Of course, Da. Maupo kayo.", nakakapanginig. Gusto kong manabunot. Gusto kong manakit. Gusto kong manapak. Ewan! Ayoko ng ganitong pakiramdam dahil alam kong hindi dapat. Alam kong mali.

Maganda si Lorraine. Alam mong edukada. May sinasabi sa buhay. Matangkad. Makinis. In short, every guy won't find her hard to like, to fall for. Worse, JP might fall for her although he admitted he likes someone else.

Bakit nga ba iniisip ko pa 'to? Natatakot ako na baka mabaling ang patingin niya sa iba? Gusto kong bigwasan ang sarili ko sa naisip. Matagal na kaming wala kaya paniguradong matagal na ring nakatuon sa iba ang pagmamahal niya. Ako lang naman ang hindi pa nakakamove on, 'di ba?

I hate this. I hate this so much. Bakit ba napakaunfair ng buhay? After all, I deserve to be happy, right? I suffered for quite a long time. Hindi pa ba sapat 'yon? Do I still need to feel hurt whenever I see JP happy with someone else?

Yes, I admit. Hanggang ngayon, nasasaktan pa rin ako. Ganun ko ba siyang kamahal para masaktan nang ganon kalalim at katagal? This is bullsht! I know, but I just can't help it.

"Congrats nga pala Carisse. You're such a successful young lady. I can't question that, you have the talent.", nakangiting bati ni Lorraine. Siguro ay dapat ko nang burahin ang galit ko sa kanya. She does not deserve it. For God's sake, kinakain na ako ng selos at galit, at natatakot ako kung ano pa ang pwedeng mangyari kapag pinalala ko ito. Ayoko nang madamay pa ang kahit na sino nang dahil dito, it's not right.

"Salamat...", 'yon lang nasabi ko. I don't know but I really can't deal with her knowing she's someone close to JP.

"So what's your plan after this? This will probably open doors for you.", si JP ang nagtanong. I don't know how can he keep saying those words cool and confident. Parang wala lang. Parang walang nangyaring gaguhan sa amin noon.

"I don't know. Wala pa akong plano. Hindi ko naman iniisip na ganun ang mangyayari. Ayokong mag-expect because the more you expect, the more you get hurt. Hihintayin ko na lang siguro kung anong mangyayari and that's when I decide what to do."

Natameme silang lahat sa sagot ko. Humash-tag hugot ata ako dun.

"Oh, we see. But seriously, naniniwala akong uulanin ka ng oportunidad.", ani Lorraine. Tumigil siya para magpunas ng labi. "And if you would give me the chance, I would love to work with you. I love your works."

Hindi ko alam kung maganda ang ideyang iyon. Lorraine is one of the rising fashion models in the country. Madalas siyang lumabas sa mga magazines at runway shows, as I've heard from others. At madali namang mapatunayan 'yon at one glance. She has what it takes to be the next top model, ika nga ni Tyra.

"I would love to work with you too, Lorraine."

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang sinabi ko. But I believe it's better than to reject her, right? Bahala na. Aasa na lang akong maganda ang kalalabasan no'n kung sakali.

"But it would be better if we work with JP.", bumaling siya kay JP na ngayon ay parang pinamulahan. "He's a good photographer and I know you have witnessed his works personally. Nakikita kong magiging maganda ang tandem nating tatlo. That's if you think it's fine. Ano?"

Seryoso ba 'to? She's asking me to work with JP for the second time? Hindi ko na talaga alam.

"L-let's see, Lorraine. Hindi lang ako ang magdedecide dito. I bet JP has a say on this."

Seriously? I said that? Binigyan ko lang lalo ng chance na makatrabaho siya ulit.

"Ano JP?", Lorraine asked.

"O-of course. Hindi ko 'yan matatanggihan."

And that's it. I'm dead. Sht!