THE ACTRESS

CHAPTER 8

Chapter 8

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko. I feel dizzy. Nakakaasar kasi. Hindi na naman ako pinatulog ni JP. I mean, hindi na naman ako pinatulog ng pagkairita ko sa kanya. Naaalala ko na naman yung eksena kahapon and it really pisses me off.

"Oh, hi! I'm Lorraine. I'm pleased to meet you all.", then she painted a smile on her face. Mukha naman siyang mabait but the fact that she's with JP, hindi ko siya gusto.

"The pleasure is ours.", I smiled at her too kahit na gustung-gusto ko na silang silaban nang buhay.

"Would you mind if we transfer to your table? Tutal panglimahan naman yan e?"

What the? Seriously? Hindi ko alam kung nahalata ba ni Rich at Jah na umikot yung mata ko sa tanong ni Lorraine, pero dahil may manners naman ako at nagaral naman ako ng Values Education nung elementary, pinaunlakan ko ang request niya.

"Sure, I just don't think JP's fine with it. I mean, we might mess up your date."

I glanced at JP and he seemed uncomfortable.

"Okay lang naman siguro sa'yo Pat, right?"

Ugh. Okay lang naman siguro sa'yo Pat, right? Inulit-ulit ko sa isip ko yung paraan ng pagtawag sa kanya ni Lorraine. Ang arte arte. Nakakainis! May pa-Pat-Pat pa siya. Like hello? As far as I can remember, ayaw niyang tinatawag siyang Pat. Tapos ngayon, feel na feel pa ng matigas niyang mukha ang kasweetan ng babaeng ito?

"Y-yes. Wala namang problema sa akin."

Sa'yo wala! Pero sa'min, lalo na sa'kin, MERON! Sana bigla na lang magsara 'tong restaurant na 'to para makahanap ako ng excuse na 'wag na silang makasabay kumain sa iisang mesa. Just the mere thought of it, parang gusto ko nang masuka. Ngayon pa nga lang, nawawalan na ako ng gana.

They went to our table and called the waiter for their orders. JP sat beside me and Lorraine beside JP. In short, we were in a very awkward sitting arrangement.

Dumating din agad ang orders nila kaya halos magkakasabay lang din kami nagsimulang kumain.

"Hey, so you must be so close way back in college, huh? Magkwento ka naman Cars.", Lorraine started. Cars? We're not even close so don't you call me Cars. Nakakapang-init talaga ng dugo. Tumataas lalo ang blood pressure ko.

"Ahm, actually hindi ko alam. I don't remember anything.", I said. She made a shocked expression and it made me feel even more irritated.

"What do you mean you don't remember anything?"

"I had an amnesia."

I sliced a piece of meat and ate it. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, kailangan kong ipush ang acting skills ko. Mukha namang effective kasi napanganga si Lorraine. And seeing the expression of her face, I think she's buying it.

"Amnesia? Oh my God, that is so sad to hear. I mean, I just can't believe it really happens in real life."

"Yeah, actually wala pa akong naaalala hanggang ngayon." I tried to sound believable.

I glanced at JP and I can see how uneasy he was talking about it. Maybe he's just guilty and that guilt eats him up. His eyes look so gloomy and you can see pain and regrets in it. Somehow, I felt guilty as well. Maybe I was really just hurt that I haven’t thought of my actions. But I can’t just stop like I tasted a food I realized I don’t like. It’s not that easy, it might just get things more complicated.

“Oh, so when are your memories coming back?”, she asked once again.

“I have no idea actually. Wala pa ring sintomas na babalik na ang mga alaala ko. Pero kung papipiliin ako, I’d rather stay my life this way forever.”

Well, that was half true. If given the chance, I would rather live my life today. Masaya na ako sa buhay ko ngayon kasama sina Rich and Jarred. Masaya na ako na nabuhay ako pagkatapos ng aksidente. Masaya na akong wala SIYA sa buhay ko sa loob ng apat na taon. That's why I guess I can live many more years ahead without him. I guess. But that changed until he came back and mess up my life again.

"But don't you think you need to go back to your past life?", she insisted. I put down the glass of water which I was supposed to drink.

"I guess not anymore. If you only know why I don't wanna go back to the past Lorraine, you would understand."

"Then what? You can tell me."

"Better not. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore. Kung gusto mong malaman, try to ask JP. He probably knows the reason, I told him some part of the story."

That was my way of ending our conversation. Wala na akong gana na pag-usapan yun. In fact, wala na talaga akong ganang makipag-usap kahit ano pa man ang gusto nilang pag-usapan. I just wanted to remain silent the whole time. At yun nga ang nangyari, she kept on asking me but I just kept on nodding as a response.

The whole time remained very awkward, Lorraine made much of the talks and everyone else was just listening to her. Even JP, he just listened the whole time. I never heard him opened up any topic, and he never talks unless Lorraine makes a conversation with him.

Rich and Jah even made their own talkings together. I don't even think they tried to give attention to Lorraine especially that she's with JP.

And speaking of JP, I don't know what he's up to now. Maybe he has moved on, that was four years ago anyway. Maybe he just really wanted to put things between us in their proper places. Maybe he just wanted to formally close our relationship. Maybe it's just that, and he no longer has anything for me anymore. I don't know exactly what's in his mind, but if I were to be asked, I'd like it more that way. Maybe, again, it's for the better.