Lost In My Feelings

Chapter 1

5:20am.

"Y/n dear, please wake up, it's your first day of college" my mom knocks on my door, while i'm still on my bed, sleeping comfortably, i rubbed my left eye and replied.

"o-ok mom" i said in a loud voice, enough for her to hear me, then i heard footsteps going away, i let out a sigh and sat on my bed, while staring straight at the walls infront of me, then i started to cry a bit.

"w-why did you had to break up with me, Suga?" i inhaled deeply and made a line on my lips, tons of questions were running through my head.

was i unworthy to love?

why did he let go of me, so easily?

why did he found a new girl so fast? 

did i really mean to him?

was it real love or was it just for play?

i don't have enough energy to start this day, even if it's my first day of college, but i have to, i have to study, for my future, and for my dream career, but without him, everything is so fucked up, i just stared at my messy bedroom, clothes scattered everywhere, chip crumbs on the floor,  i took a deep breath and proceeded to my closet.

my college doesn't have a uniform, but it does have a dress code, so i searched through my closet, for something modest to wear, but i'm too lazy to search up for more clothes, i'm just gonna take what's first in my mind.

i have to wear a long sleeve top today, i have to hide my cuts on my wrists, people might see me with cuts, and i'm insecure to show them out, so i pulled out some black skinny jeans and a white sweatshirt,i know it's basic but i'm too lazy to search for more, i proceeded to the bathroom and took a quick shower.

after showering, i walked to my room again, and took a brush from the stand, and started to brush my wet hair while staring at the huge mirror infront of me, i look so pale, and my face was all blank, i have no energy to even smile today, remembering him just makes my heart break even more.

" honey, are you done?" my mom knocks on my door again. 

"y-yes mom" i said in a quiet voice, and moved the strand of hair away from my face, and took my bag with me, then i exit my room, my mom went with me downstairs to the dining table, and she started to serve for my plate 

after my breakup with Suga, every single thing of my routine changed, i never hd any energy to start anything in my life, and my mind was all blank, nothing mattered to me, the only person i've been thinking all day is Suga, only him.

he's not mine anymore, but my loyalty remains to him.

my parents, and older brother started to get worried for me, and for my routine, this was so new for them, and for me, so my mom would casually look after me, and my older brother accompanying me in school.

but I'm not a 5 year old to look after, but I also cant fix my life, fuck.

"honey go and eat some food, you haven't eaten in a while" my mom said as she placed a spoon on the side of my plate, I blinked both of my eyes and took the spoon on the table, and started to eat my food.

while I was eating, I just stared at the blank white table infront of me, and not changing my sitting position.

I badly need him right now, but he doesnt even need me anymore.

to be continued