1950s Summer

Chapter 9- Control

Carol has always had an effect on how you act, behave, or feel each day. It all balanced in her hands. One thing could make you ecstatic and cause you to never stop smiling while something she said or did could also leave you feeling quite terrible and useless.

The only other person besides Abby, who knew about your crush on Carol was your mother. She always knew what you were thinking like it was written all over your face, but you knew no one else could read your facial expressions.

The only reason Abby could have known about your crush was because she had those same expressions on her face. Both of you were all too familiar with those feelings.

_________

Age 9

You were at the house with your mother and Carol. Elaine had taken Abby to the store because Abby had begged for a little doll that she fell in love with through a glass window. Alicia went with them to make sure they were safe in town.

Carol was extra annoyed with Abby that day and chose not to go because she didn't want to hear Abby go on and on about a doll she didn't care about.

Your mother was doing the laundry and household chores making her way throughout the house while you were in the living room fiddling with some paper and pens to keep yourself entertained.

Carol then walked up to you. "Come with me." She ordered.

You followed her without having to say anything and she led you outside to the pond.

"Why are we here?" You asked, you kind of just wanted to go back inside and continue drawing although your art was not at all good. It was also excruciatingly hot outside.

"Stop talking and keep walking." Carol walked past the pond into the edge of the woods that was at the end of the property.

"You're bossy." You pouted. But you kept walking.

"You're easily bossed around." She laughed.

"I am not!" You testified, but you were and that made you angrier.

"You're here aren't you?" She was still laughing.

Carol stopped walking and sat down in the woods, on a log that was by a trickling stream of water that was flowing freely downhill to the next property. It was small, but you could still hear the water running and hurdling over the rocks and broken branches.

You had never been here before, you never ventured this far out. You especially would have never thought you would be here with Carol.

You sat beside her and mimicked her body language of sitting still and looking into the water.

"I like this spot. It's calming don't you think?" She said.

"Yeah." You didn't really know what to say, but you knew that this wouldn't happen again. This was something rare that only came into your life only a few times total.

"I like to come here often. No one bothers me here." She was still looking off into the distance.

"Does Abby know about this place?"

"No." She said plainly. "I like to be alone here."

"Why am I here then?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?" She was annoyed now. "I shouldn't have shown you this." She mumbled under her breath. She got up and walked off.

You wished she hadn't shown you either. You felt bad for asking so much. You also didn't understand why she was so upset all of a sudden, but it still stung.

You walked back inside the house and sat back down to continue drawing, but your hand didn't move and tears started to flow down your cheeks. Your mother saw this as she was headed to the kitchen to start the dishes. She stopped everything and sat down beside you.

One look and she saw what had happened without you having to explain anything. She just wrapped you up into her arms and held you there firmly. "I'm sorry. I know how much your heart yearns." She whispered which made you cry harder.

No one mentioned anything to you the rest of the day, but you were visibly upset.

___________

You wished your mother was with you now, she could see you all grown up back at the house, but life doesn't turn out how you want it too. That you learned the hard way.

How it turned out that your father had left your mother heart broken and nothing could repair it. That was life.

And somehow, you are here at the summer house. It's all so strange how life works.

At dinner, you decided to be brave and speak up for once.

"Is it alright if Richard comes by sometime?" You asked shyly. You looked at Carol, searching her face for a reaction, any reaction, but there was nothing.

"Of course! That would be splendid." Alicia smiled. "You could invite him to eat with us too."

"I don't know about that." You laughed.

Carol got up without saying anything and left the table. You were proud of yourself, you did something to Carol. You had an impact on her whether it was anger or disgust, whatever it was, you affected her and it made you smile inside.

After the meal, you went upstairs to your room and noticed that Carol's door was open.

You stopped at her doorway and knocked softly on the doorframe. Carol was on her bed reading a book and looked up at you.

"Are you mad?" You stayed standing at the door, afraid of her answer.

"No, why would I be mad?" Her tone was mean and cut you on the inside.

"You just didn't say much at dinner." Your voice trailed off and you started to back up to leave her alone.

"Wait, I'm sorry." She started to stand up and walk over to you. You could feel your heart begin to beat fast. "I just don't trust whoever this Richard is." She continued, now only a foot away from you.

"He's sweet. You have nothing to be worried about." You didn't want to be too specific in what you meant by that, but of course she noticed something different about those words.

"Nothing to be worried about?" She raised her eyebrows in a playful way.

You didn't want to tell her that you would always love her more than anyone. That would be uncalled for at the moment. You also knew that she did not need you to explain it to her.

"You know what I mean Carol." You let out a huff and rolled your eyes.

"No, I don't think I do." She sat back down on her bed and motioned for you to sit down next to her. "Enlighten me." She smiled.

You sat down close to her, but not too close. You couldn't gather the courage to look her in the eyes, so you just watched your hands toy with a piece of string coming off of your skirt.

"I don't want to play games Carol." Your voice was soft and quiet. You also kept looking down.

She took her hand and rested it on top of yours so you would stop fidgeting. You glanced up at her and her face was so close to yours. Her blue eyes were bright and as beautiful as ever.

"Then don't." She whispered and neither of you moved away or closer. Both of you just froze, unknowing of what to do next. Afraid of what would happen.

"ALICIA WANTS EVERYONE IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Elaine called out.

Both of you jumped and you looked away from Carol. You walked out of Carol's room and she followed you down the stairs to where Alicia, Elaine, Elaine's fiance, and Abby were.

"It's movie night! What does everyone want to watch?" Alicia said excitedly.

Abby glanced at you, but you gave nothing to her. You were still thinking about a few seconds ago.

~AN: omg y'all got this story charting. #16 on yummy lol. Idk how but thank you so much for reading. Also sorry it took so long to get this out:)