1950s Summer

Chapter 18- Sunsets

As the sun began to set, you and Carol laid down in the sand next to each other with your shoulders touching and watched as the golden light bled onto the water and sparked with each ripple. It was beautiful in how the picture painted itself into existence, like nothing could be better than this moment. The colors blended together like oil paints and shimmered with each stroke of the paint brush from the water to the sand.

Since Alicia had called earlier, her statement "Take care of Carol" lingered in the back of your head, so you finally asked about it.

"Does Alicia know?" You said without any context.

"I think by now she does. Maybe not particularly about us, but about me. And possibly you." She said with no change in her expression.

"Have you ever talked to her about it?"

"No, I haven't." She looked at you. "I have my suspicions that your mother had though."

"About you or me?" You were curious about this now.

"I had talked to your mother that last summer before it had all changed. I wanted to get her prediction on how my mother would react if I did talk to her." She smiled sadly. "She had told me that my mother would always love me and all that, but I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or if she would make my mother say that after a talk, you know."

Your mom and Alicia were best friends after all. It made sense that the person that would know Alicia best would be your mother. You just hadn't known that Carol was that close to your mom.

"I never did find out if they had a talk then." Carol finished.

"So my mother knew about you." You said, surprised.

"Yes" She smiled. "And I miss her constantly."

"Ya me too." You said looking off into the horizon.

"I know darling." Carol said, wrapping her arm around your waist and holding you tight as the both of you continued to watch the sun fall and fade into moon night.

You hadn't known it at the time, but your mother knew you loved Carol even at times when you weren't aware of it. She never said anything to you about it, just hints of her knowledge every now and then, but it wasn't like she was trying to get you to say something to her. She knew and you knew, and that was all to be acknowledged. An unspoken fact in which nothing needed to be said.

_ _ _ _

Your mother was sweet and caring, almost perfect. The problem was that she never really got along super well with your father. They were nice to each other, but you didn't think they loved one another. At one point they might have really been in love, but you supposed that the feeling had left long before you could remember. They stayed together through it all though, divorce was not a pleasant look for a woman, and she wouldn't be able to support me on her own.

The other issue was that she was sick. And she had been sick for quite a while now. You came to know that she suffered from heart disease which she had gotten at an early age, earlier than that predicted.

The doctors didn't know why she had got it so young, but it never seemed to let her forget that.

One of the only things that kept her spirit alive was her best friend in the world, Alicia. They thrived together in the summers and lived each moment to the fullest, laughing and giggling without a care in the world.

______

Age 17

In the middle of the day, Alicia and your mother were sitting on the porch. They had thought that everyone was outside playing by the beach, but you and Carol came in to grab some drinks.

They didn't see either of you, but the both of you overheard their conversation.

"I really don't think I have much longer." Your mother had said.

"Oh you don't mean that now." Alicia had said, which angered your mother a bit.

"Now why would I lie." She huffed. "I feel myself dwindling down. And I think I would rather go young and pretty than old and ugly."

"You could never be old and ugly." Alicia reassured her. You couldn't see, but you could imagine Alicia holding your mother and rubbing her back to comfort her, the same way your mother would do to you.

You weren't sure if you were hurt by what your mother said or surprised. But you were frozen in shock of it all. You felt Carol take your hand and squeeze it which made you love Carol more. It made you feel guilty thinking about Carol when your mother was sick, but you couldn't help it at the moment.

You sat like that for a few minutes, still holding her hand and looking off into the distance.

"You are pretty fucking hot." Alicia said laughing. Not soon after, you heard your mother roar with laughter as well. And you knew that things would be okay.

Alicia was cursing, your mother was laughing and everything was back to normal. Alicia was good at making people feel normal, something you admired her for.

You looked at Carol and without having to say anything, the both of you got up and returned to the beach. Neither of you said anything about it to Elaine or Abby and they didn't ask.

_____

Your mother died about a year after you quit going to the beach house. She had been too sick to make the trip and that's why you couldn't go anymore. It hurt not being able to be a part of something you loved most, but you knew you had a job to do, and that was to care for your mother.

You fed her and did all the chores that she would normally do up until that last day.

Her funeral was during the winter and that was the only time you had seen Alicia, Elaine, Carol, and Abby during the colder months. You normally saw them in sundresses and sandals, but they were bundled in jackets and scarfs.

You used to be jealous of the people who got to be with them during those months, how you wished you could be with them too. This just wasn't the right time.

At the funeral, you couldn't look at any of them, let alone speak to them. It was difficult to speak at all. With each breath you could feel the tears flood to your eyes and hurt in your heart. So you stayed silent and tried to block those memories out of your mind for the rest of your life.

It worked most of the time, but every now and then you would think back to the life you used to have, and it hurt like hell.