My Journal

I Was Born Into the Wrong Family

7/19/21 - 4:26 a.m

I don't fit in here. These people are... I don't like these people. I don't think they're good company. Don't get me wrong; there are a few people that I like being around. There's my favorite cousin, my dad, my sister (sometimes), my mom (sometimes), my grandma and pretty much each of my second cousins on my mom's side. I don't talk to anyone on my dad's side. But my aunt (my mom's favorite sister), my other aunt, my other aunt, my narcissistic uncle, and my creepy uncle? They make me want to leave this city and never come back. First, there's this decades-old this family beef that a few so-called adults are pushing onto my cousin and I. Aunt #1 (my mom's favorite sister) and my mom vs. aunt #2 (my favorite cousin's mom). My mom and aunt #1 constantly bully my favorite cousin because of their beef with her mom, and I, once again, snapped at my mother today for that very reason. I just cannot stand seeing someone be dehumanized by another individual. My mom's behavior was ugly and immature. It turned into a huge fight, and my mom ended up not going to a family outing because she "didn't want to be around me." I don't regret standing up for my cousin. My mother was evil toward her, and she deserved to be called out.

Somehow, aunt #1 is worse than my mom. She sounds and behaves like a witch. Not the cool ones but the evil ones in the cartoons with the squeaky, scratchy voices. Her bullying is more subtle (sometimes). I'm talkin' back-handed compliments and side remarks. She's the most obnoxious person I've ever encountered. She has a blatant disregard for others' feelings, which she justifies by stating that she can't let people control her. But she's taken it too far. She's a horrible, horrible person. If things aren't done her way, she'll whine and complain. She's made negative remarks about the types of shows I like to watch, what foods I like to eat, and what music I listen to—as if her opinion matters to me! I make it clear that I do not want any relationship with that woman, but she will not leave me alone no matter how much I ignore her. We're currently both staying at my grandma's house, and this woman will not leave me alone. She needs attention, or else she'll die. At least that's what it seems like.

Aunt #2 (favorite cousin's mom) is also toxic. Her bullying is the most subtle and undoubtedly comes from a place of insecurity. She's the kind of woman to criticize another woman's appearance because she's jealous. She indeed strikes me as a very jealous person. One time, my sister got a beautiful silk press at the salon, and aunt #2 couldn't wait to comment that it looked flat and dry. I stepped in, of course, and assured my sister that it looked nice. But damn! That woman was clearly jealous. My mom told me that she had issues with her hair when she was younger. But that's no excuse to bring another person down because you're unhappy with yourself. Aunt #2 strikes me as the "fake friend" kinda person. The person who would "accidentally" cut all your hair off.

Aunt #3 simply doesn't respect my boundaries. I don't feel like typing her story. Maybe another day. Uncle #1 most definitely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and uncle #2 rubber his d-ck on me when we hugged.  I'm really to tired to get into all of this. One of these entries discussed uncle #2. The point is, I want to get away from these people. And I know you may be thinking "If she has a problem with so many people, maybe she's the problem." Fair point. I think my problem is that I have a low tolerance for conflict. I've met so many kind-hearted people at school and online. My boyfriend is a sweetheart, my cousin is artsy and kind, my friends are fun and gentle, my dad is selfless and caring. So when I am exposed to catty drama and bullying, I kind of lose it! Or when people don't understand the word "no" or simply don't care to hear it. Or when my f-cking uncle has the nerve to rub against me like that and attempt to interact with me afterward as if nothing happened!? I literally want to explode just thinking about all of this. These people are not good company. And I'm staying the hell away from them.